Facing a New Year

We like new stuff. New phones, new deals, new friends, new years. We move on from the old to the new so quickly, forgetting that every new thing will eventually become old. Over time, the initial excitement wears off, the glamour dwindles, the fleeting fascination dissipates, and you're left wondering why this "new" thing was such a big deal and stuck facing what it actually means to you.

Now, we look back at 2019. The excitement, glamour, and fascination of a new year, the year 2019, is gone. What's left? What have you done those 363 days? All of the build up, the anticipation, the parties, the toasts, the resolutions, the countdown and the ball drop, all of that led to this year and now it has faded into distant memory and all that is left is the ups and downs you had during the year. You cannot turn back time so I hope you are leaving 2019 with no regrets. I also hope that you make 2020 different. Don't settle for mediocracy, live your life sold out for Christ. Be motivated and make a change. I hope it's a good year.

There are two reasons we see New Years Day as special: 1. It provides us a good chance to look back and learn from our past year. 2. It gives us an opportunity to plan ahead and start again. What did 2019 really come down to? And what will you make different about 2020?

Let's take this chance to look back, I want to take a moment to go over a few highlights from my blog this year. If you have time, let's take a stroll down memory lane and walk through the highlights of 2019 together.

39 posts

Out of 52 weeks, that isn't too bad. 

Top 5 Posts:

Poetry

Broken. Beautiful.

Being Free

Random Thoughts

Drawing a Line

Top 3 Songs:

Blessings-Laura Story

God Only Knows-For King and Country

Joy-Sleeping at Last

Top 3 Quotes:

"Per Aspera Ad Astra"

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts"-Winston Churchill

"My prayer today is that we will feel the loving arms of God wrapped around us and that as we trust in Him we will know in our hearts that He will never forsake us. And this will be a day that we will remember as a Day of Victory.”-Billy Graham

Top 3 Verses:

Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me. And this life I live now in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me."

Psalm 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Philippians 4:6-7, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Top 5 Favorite Words of Wisdom

"Our brokenness results in an openness to God's grace, He fills in our cracks, brings us back together, and creates a vessel so much more beautiful than we could have imagined. Those cracks are no longer something to disguise, rather they are part of our redemption story, part of who we are." Broken. Beautiful.

"We have the freedom to persevere, love in spite of pain, encourage others, and hope when life seems hopeless because we know that one day every tear will be wiped away. Without that freedom, nothing matters. With it, nothing else has to." Being Free

"If you are a child of God, know that no matter what, you are safe, held close in the shelter of His presence and the shadow of His wings." Shelter of His Presence

"What you see in snapshots really isn't someone's real life, we all paint a picture that looks perfect while we hide our pain from the world." Picture Perfect

"When emotions are high and you want something badly that just seems so important, it's easy to forget those other things that should be important to us at all times. What are these things? Family. People. Relationships. Your integrity, honesty, and respectfulness. Love. Those things should never be sacrificed for anything, even breakfast." Some Things are More Important than Breakfast

That is my quick recap. I love writing and I appreciate having a place to put my words and an audience that reads them. Thanks for sticking with me through all the really bad posts and the ok ones.

But the second reason for New Years is just as important. Moving forward, what will you do? Who will you be in 2020?

My hope for you is that you cling to the simple things and pursue what you know is right. Because the idea of having a new year and a new century is exciting, but New Years Day will fade and life goes on as normal. And the daily plodding through life can weaken us step by step before we even know it. In all of that, it can be easy to loose sight of the truth that we cling to and the joy that we have. Sometimes, we forget why we live. Forget why we were made. We know we have hope, but we forget why. This year, keep going back to the truth. Remember why we do everything. You know the Gospel, so don't forget these simple truths.

You have always chosen sin. Chosen the one thing that makes life miserable. And you've suffered because of that sin. Every rejection, every heartbreak, every mask you had to wear and loneliness you felt was because of that choice. You were dead. Separated from God and the love that could heal you and put you back together. But life was not and never will be hopeless. The Son of God left His seat at the right hand of God the Father, was born to a virgin, and lived a perfect life. He did it for you. He faced every sin and temptation. He suffered through cruelty. He never escaped to a mask or let anything come between Him and His Father's glory. Jesus died for you. Died because He loves you. And then He defeated what you never could, He conquered sin and death and rose again to heaven. The gates of Hades cannot stand against Him or anyone that chooses Him. Eternity is in your heart, eternity is offered to you. There is freedom from the pain, and it's found in Christ. He loves you and wants a relationship with you. You were created for His glory and your own great joy. Live like it. Accept Christ and be free, you will find everything you are looking for in that freedom.

Run to those truths. 2020 promises to be full of trials, but if you arm yourself with God's love and surround yourself with His people, it will be a year of great joy. You are loved. You are enough. You are priceless!! Through difficulty, to the stars!!!

Dear readers,

     I genuinely don't know what to say to you today. I had three different rough drafts that I could have posted, but when it came time to edit and format them, they didn't seem right. Its been a rough week and I've struggled with putting my thoughts into neat, categorized, logical words. But this isn't about me, there have been way too many posts about me recently, which I generally try to avoid. I am writing this letter to you because I've been writing a lot of letters recently and maybe it will help get all my random thoughts onto one paper.

     First, how are you? Like, really? When is the last time you stopped and actually thought about what your struggles are, how you are fighting them, and if you are making progress? Trying to go into battle with a dull sword is rather pointless (no pun intended). Check to make sure that you are equipped to fight and win your battles in Christ. Pray. Take a moment to put on the full armor of God. Stop and allow yourself time to actually evaluate your emotions and your relationship with Christ.

     It feels like Christmas sneaks up on us every year now, and it's that time of year again. Great food, shouts of laughter, colorful lights, warm smiles, festive music, lots of friends and family....Tis the season to be jolly, right? For most, it is. And I genuinely hope you're full of joy right now. But trials don't just go away because it's December 25th. There are countless reasons to be happy and have a Merry Christmas, there are also reasons why it's difficult. Friends, I know this can be a hard time. Whether it's because you're missing someone, feeling nostalgic, feeling left out, or are overly stressed, Christmastime can magnify struggles and increase pain. However, it is still a gift. Look for the blessings right in front of you. If you get time off of work, an extra few moments with people you love, or a day to sleep in, then count that as a blessing. Look for the little moments of joy, even if this time, overall, is difficult for you.

     Everywhere you look is a reminder. Every nativity set, every family full of joy, every "Merry Christmas" sign, it is all a reminder of God's work. One of my favorite songs this Christmas is "Hope is Alive", I highly recommend listening to it. Because that's what Christmas means for us. Hope is alive, He came for us, He dwelt among us, and He lived a perfect life so that we didn't have to pay the price for our sin. Rejoice in that. One day, every tear will be wiped away and every trial will cease. All because God incarnate came to a little town called Bethlehem to be born in a manger. That's the significance of the Christmas story, don't undervalue it just because you've heard it a thousand times. Let the love that God showed us impact you every time you see a reminder of it. And right now, every where you look you can see a reminder that hope is alive.

     Lastly, there is a lot to think about right now. We inherently like to understand things and we search for answers. But the big questions in life often just take faith. I'm struggling with that in my own life right now. Philippians talks about "Peace that surpasses all understanding", and so many things in Scripture are like that. The hypostatic union, God living as man....that's beyond understanding. The fact that God, who is king over all and deserves more glory than we could ever give Him, would leave heaven to come to earth...that's beyond understanding. Not only did He leave heaven, but He lived a humble life, facing every temptation, and never sinned...that's beyond understanding. And why? Because He loved sinners. That's a love I will never understand. By God's grace, you are saved. The gift of eternal life is being freely given to you. Throw off your chains because He has set you free. At this point, refusing to accept what Christ died to give you....that's beyond understanding. Continuing to be a slave to sin....that's beyond understanding. Don't reject His love. If you're thinking about giving your life to Christ, please don't wait. He will accept you with His arms wide open and love you for who you are. Have faith that your sins are covered, throw off your chains, and rejoice in Christ.

     I love you all and hope you are doing well. You are priceless, you are loved, you are enough. Have a Merry Christmas!!!

Yours truly,
Elaine

Running on empty

We can only run for so long.

As much as we keep trying, we eventually grow tired and slow down until we stop. But we rarely let ourselves rest enough to really catch our breath. Living can be like driving; your tank of gas only gets you so far. At some point, you have to stop and refuel. I had been running on empty for a long time. If life is a highway, I had been driving it for way too long without slowing down. I had been tearing up the miles, eating up the minutes, speeding ahead and accelerating at every turn. I needed a break but I had reached the point where I forgot how to put the brake on. Pressure kept building but I just shoved it down again. Parts of me were breaking, but I gave them a quick fix and moved on. I blew past speed limits and caution signs always in a hurry to keep moving forward. When I took time to glance at my fuel gauge and realized how low it was, I brushed it aside, I couldnt be bothered to stop. I don’t know if I was chasing the future or escaping the past, maybe both, I just knew I had to keep chasing. The highway of life can be so confusing sometimes and I may not have known where I was going, but I sure was getting there fast.

Sometimes rushing through life like that feels exhilarating, sometimes it's scary, and it's always utterly exhausting.

Like I said though, we can only keep running for so long.

Last week, I stopped running. I had pushed myself to the limit and didn't even realize it until I felt safe, felt like I could stop. Last week I was in Kansas. I got seven days that I didn't have to plan, didn't have to do school, could eat, sleep, and play whenever I wanted to. Seven days where I felt loved and supported. The first three days, I was exhausted and slept a ton. It didn't make any sense why. I wasn't waking up very early or having especially late nights but I always felt worn out. Later though, I understood. For the first time in probably over eight months, I felt safe. And so I crashed. I felt supported, so I stopped escaping. I felt loved, so I stopped chasing. The adrenaline that anxiety gave me disappeared. The depression that drove me to work non-stop was gone. The fear of rejection relinquished its grasp so I didn’t care about keeping an act of perfection. I could finally rest. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, it was an amazing week.

I say all of this to communicate a simple message: Take a break. Stop running on empty and fuel up. Most likely, you need it as badly as I did. Whatever it is you are escaping and whatever you are chasing, you can only keep going for so long. Don’t wait until you break down and get stranded on a highway completely empty. Find a place where you know you are safe, time where you have no pressure, people who will love you regardless of anything you do, and rest. You are priceless. Tomorrow needs you. God wants you to rest in the shelter of His presence and the shadow of His wings. Cast your burden on Him.

Christmas is an excellent time to do this. Finals are over and most of us have a break, time to spend with family. Enjoy it while it lasts and use it to refuel you for whatever is around the next turn in the road. Last year around this time, someone sent me Ecclesiastes 8:15 and it encouraged me to enjoy this season of rest. It says, "So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." You work hard. Just moving forward is a struggle. So be glad, enjoy the time you have. Psalm 4:8 says, "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety." The Lord keeps you safe, His hand shelters you and He is a rock for you. Have peace in that and allow yourself to rest.

Don't keep running on empty. Slow down, take a break, and breathe. You are held safe in God's hands and He will give you rest. 

Another day, another victory

This year, on my birthday, we flew to Kansas. I was excited about it for months, we spent weeks planning it and days packing for it. My dad and I scheduled the trip and I checked in the morning before we left. Everything was in place. There was just one concern: we might not get on. Since we fly standby and the airplane was oversold, I was constantly checking the flight to see if there were open seats. But it didn’t look like we would make it on my birthday. I screenshotted my flight options and sent them to the family I would stay with. Now, I talk about blessings in disguise a lot. But this one was very clearly God’s work. Our friends realized that the flight we booked was taking us to Kansas City, Missouri, not Wichita, Kansas. Had we continued as planned, we would have ended up 4 hours away from where we wanted to.

Logic

Life doesn't make sense. It's confusing. I don't understand it, can't figure it out, and waste hours trying.
I hate not knowing. I seek to understand things and get frustrated when I can't. So when it comes to illogical issues in life, I have very little patience. That's why I've dedicated my year to learning about trust. I've thought about it, discussed it, written about it, and prayed about it. The year is almost over, but my journey with trust is not. Because trust is one of those issues in life that simply isn't logical.

Logic is, “reasoning conducted according to strict principles of validity.”
Sounds nice doesn’t it? Logic is the kind of thing that remains steadfast-- unchanging.
Everything makes sense because of it. We use reasoning to sort the world into neat little conclusions

based on what is valid. 

Trust, however, is the reliance on or the belief in the reliability of someone or something. 

Relying on people doesn't work with my logical view point on life. 

My experience is that the more I trust, the more I am able to get hurt. People are imperfect, so trusting them with my problems and pain only leaves me open to being hurt. 

But you know what else doesn't make logical sense to me? Ice skating.
Moving quickly on ice and balancing on a thin blade isn't logical.
How do you keep moving forward? Is it possible to stop without falling? Why can’t I stop shaking? Do people really do this for fun?

I went ice skating for the first time two weeks ago. After sixteen years of walking on real ground, I stepped onto ice and it was drastically different. The first 20 minutes I spent just trying to wrap my mind around the concept of moving forward in ice skates. I couldn’t figure it out. But I reasoned and questioned and listened to people try to explain it for quite a while. Then someone finally told me to stop thinking. I figured out that ice skating isn’t logical. Logically, I wouldn’t think any of it would work. When I stopped thinking and just trusted other people’s instructions, I finally made progress.

After ice skating, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much my year had been like that. I would try to justify things logically, or logically try to figure out situations, but it wasn’t until I just trusted and took a leap of faith that I could actually move forward.

People helped me move forward. They hurt me sometimes, but often in a good way, a way that caused me to grow. For such a long time I had pushed people away and been independent. Now, I can't imagine my life without the people around me that help me stand up and face life. Sometimes, we have to stop looking for the logic and just move forward. Maybe we'll fall, maybe it will hurt, but it's better then being stuck in fear.

Since the beginning of this year, I have learned so much. I still doubt people, but I'm more willing to open up. I've started telling my stories and my struggles more. Some times its worth it, some times its not. But I'm still learning. I have deepened my trust in God more. Found that He definitely knows best and unanswered prayers are often a blessing. The people He puts in my life are all there for a reason. Not only have I learned about trust in people and in God, but I've discovered how much to trust myself. Working as a gymnastics coach has increased my confidence in my ability to make the right decisions. I rely on my abilities a lot more now and give myself more responsibility. There is limits to that though. I've figured out what I can't trust myself with and when to get a second opinion. Absolute trust never works well.

This post was not well-written. I apologize for that. All week I've been looking forward to this and thinking about what I would say. But I learned that to write about something, you have to understand it, at least a little bit. I don't understand trust. I don't understand why I do something so illogical. So my phrases are repetitive and confusing. The bottom line is this: Find people you can trust and rely on them. Tell your story and struggles and let them help you. I ache to be that person for others, I want to be that safe space that people can lean on. Because I've come to recognize the value of taking a leap of faith. 

There are people I know now that I will never trust, people who have proven there trust, and people that trust me. I still can't understand it. There are still days when I ask myself why I ever started friendship, why I ever explained my problems to people. But there are so many times where, illogically, I've trusted and it's paid off. People have blessed me so much. 

Despite still not being able to figure out people and trust and life, I have learned to set aside logic at times in order to move forward.