Running on empty

We can only run for so long.

As much as we keep trying, we eventually grow tired and slow down until we stop. But we rarely let ourselves rest enough to really catch our breath. Living can be like driving; your tank of gas only gets you so far. At some point, you have to stop and refuel. I had been running on empty for a long time. If life is a highway, I had been driving it for way too long without slowing down. I had been tearing up the miles, eating up the minutes, speeding ahead and accelerating at every turn. I needed a break but I had reached the point where I forgot how to put the brake on. Pressure kept building but I just shoved it down again. Parts of me were breaking, but I gave them a quick fix and moved on. I blew past speed limits and caution signs always in a hurry to keep moving forward. When I took time to glance at my fuel gauge and realized how low it was, I brushed it aside, I couldnt be bothered to stop. I don’t know if I was chasing the future or escaping the past, maybe both, I just knew I had to keep chasing. The highway of life can be so confusing sometimes and I may not have known where I was going, but I sure was getting there fast.

Sometimes rushing through life like that feels exhilarating, sometimes it's scary, and it's always utterly exhausting.

Like I said though, we can only keep running for so long.

Last week, I stopped running. I had pushed myself to the limit and didn't even realize it until I felt safe, felt like I could stop. Last week I was in Kansas. I got seven days that I didn't have to plan, didn't have to do school, could eat, sleep, and play whenever I wanted to. Seven days where I felt loved and supported. The first three days, I was exhausted and slept a ton. It didn't make any sense why. I wasn't waking up very early or having especially late nights but I always felt worn out. Later though, I understood. For the first time in probably over eight months, I felt safe. And so I crashed. I felt supported, so I stopped escaping. I felt loved, so I stopped chasing. The adrenaline that anxiety gave me disappeared. The depression that drove me to work non-stop was gone. The fear of rejection relinquished its grasp so I didn’t care about keeping an act of perfection. I could finally rest. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, it was an amazing week.

I say all of this to communicate a simple message: Take a break. Stop running on empty and fuel up. Most likely, you need it as badly as I did. Whatever it is you are escaping and whatever you are chasing, you can only keep going for so long. Don’t wait until you break down and get stranded on a highway completely empty. Find a place where you know you are safe, time where you have no pressure, people who will love you regardless of anything you do, and rest. You are priceless. Tomorrow needs you. God wants you to rest in the shelter of His presence and the shadow of His wings. Cast your burden on Him.

Christmas is an excellent time to do this. Finals are over and most of us have a break, time to spend with family. Enjoy it while it lasts and use it to refuel you for whatever is around the next turn in the road. Last year around this time, someone sent me Ecclesiastes 8:15 and it encouraged me to enjoy this season of rest. It says, "So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." You work hard. Just moving forward is a struggle. So be glad, enjoy the time you have. Psalm 4:8 says, "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety." The Lord keeps you safe, His hand shelters you and He is a rock for you. Have peace in that and allow yourself to rest.

Don't keep running on empty. Slow down, take a break, and breathe. You are held safe in God's hands and He will give you rest.