I'm here

I’m asked, “How are you?”
It’s a familiar question, I give a familiar answer: “I’m here”.
“I figured that”, comes the reply, “I didn’t think I was talking to a ghost.”

A ghost.
My mind clung to that idea, maybe I am a ghost; just a shadow of what I was, an apparition floating around haunting others. I feel empty, drifting through life blown by wind. To those who can’t see me I am a memory and nothing more. Maybe I'm just a whisper in the dark, a voice that can’t be heard, tears that can’t be seen, a soul with no body.

A ghost.
If that’s all I was I wouldn’t feel pain.
I would no longer be hungry for anything, thirsty for what I can’t have, seen for something I’m not. Words would pass through me, commands go over my head, and sins be behind me.
All it takes is giving in to one temptation and I become a ghost.
One temptation. One desire. One guilty pleasure. One moment.
A ghost.

A ghost.
If that’s all I was I wouldn’t feel love.
I would no longer have arms wrapped around me, hands holding me, voices encouraging me, friends supporting me. I wouldn’t hear the prayers for me, wouldn’t see people beside me.
My footsteps wouldn’t be seen, actions would have no impact; only a memory, not a legacy.

To live is Christ.

So I give a familiar answer each time:
“I’m here.” God isn’t done with me yet
“I’m here.” I’m still fighting
“I’m here.” Hear my voice, see my tears, know my soul.
Only a shadow of what I will be, moving through life directed by God, He isn’t done with me.