Respect

“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you've got to give it." R.G. Risch

"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?" Confucius

For five years, I was a gymnast. I made many friends. I received many medals. I attended three gyms.

And I have had nine coaches.

Nine individuals that asked for my obedience and earned my love. Nine people that inspired me and shaped me. Nine instructors that I respected. And now I am a coach. Now I have the chance to be like that. But I have started wondering, "how?" My coaches earned my respect, how do I earn it from others? In my search to answer these questions I came to a few conclusions. It all starts with understanding what respect is, what it looks like, and how to give it.

Respect is considered as only a shadow of what I believe it should be. The truth behind it seems to be disappearing, fading away. And yet it is foundational that we understand it. Respect is one of the most complicated ideas, but here's the simple definition:
RESPECT: “a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”

So it's a feeling. Great. How does that feeling come about? Well, what that feeling comes from is a perfect mixture of fear and love. If you love and fear someone, then you respect them. Respect is made up of these two feelings and is impossible without them. When you begin to lose the love you have for someone, respect disappears with it. When you lose the fear you have for someone the respect is lost. It takes a perfect mix of both emotions to achieve the feeling of respect. Now I said “perfect mixture” not “equal mixture” because I believe that in respect, love will be dominant. That's right, you must love more than you fear in order to respect someone. Here is why: most people are mostly good. Love is meant to be perfect, but we aren't perfect, if we were, love is all we would need for respect. As it is, most of us can have a respect that is mostly based on love but fear has to be there also. If you have fear and too little love, it turns into hate. If you have love but too little fear the respect disappears because you aren't afraid of what they think. Because it takes this perfect mix of two complicated emotions, respect for someone is extremely difficult to maintain for a long time.


That is the theory part of respect, but there is a result aspect to it as well. A true feeling of respect will have a certain behavior with it. It's complicated to understand though, since there can be those respectful actions even if the feeling isn't completely there. Without respect, the actions will all be done with humility and a recognition that that person is better, smarter, and wiser then you.
If you only fear them, you might refuse to make the slightest misstep in their presence. However, that behavior will rarely last when they aren't there or aren't looking. 
If you only love them, actions might not be done with their interests in mind. A true attitude of respect means that all behavior is done with regard to the person you respect and with what they would want in mind. So even if they aren't near, respect would demand perfect actions at all times.


I know, that seems like a really complicated explanation of a simple word. But that's just my opinion (none of this is scientifically proven or supported with any study that I know of.) Respect is fear and love and it demands actions that show that fear and love at all times. Respect can be faked and often is since it is difficult to maintain for a long time. You're probably wondering why in the world I care. Well, I have struggled with this idea for a while. I know I need to respect those in authority over me, but I couldn't fully do that without an understanding of what it entails. So I wrote it down and developed this theory. I did it in the hope that I could keep the respect I have for a few people for a while longer. I know it will be difficult, but respecting someone is always worth it.
Keeping respect for a long time is tough, but finding respect for people you just met is less difficult. It's often just not judging them too quickly. Passing a judgment too soon makes it harder to respect them if they earn your trust. If you have read this post than you know that I struggle with this. And recently, I have come to respect people I never thought I would. I judged them too soon, but they surprised me. So if you respect someone in your life right now, maintain that fear and love. If you have judged someone too harshly too soon, maybe look closer and see if they have earned your respect.

There is another reason I wanted to understand this topic.

I want to be respected.

Respect must be earned, it will never be given, I often wonder if I have earned mine. I am now a gymnastics coach, and earning respect is necessary. But I've discovered a sad truth: Respect is hard to earn and VERY easy to lose. It's a constant battle to make yourself respectable, loved, and feared. The one thing that has helped me the most is respecting others. Respect is truly a two-way street: in order to get it you have to give it. It's hard, and it's worth it. And yet, questions arise about this complicated concept: am I as upstanding as those people that I respect? Would I respect myself if I was one of my friends? How about you? What does respect look like in your life? Do people respect you? Who is it that you respect? Have you judged someone too quickly like I did? Respect is what separates us from the animals, we need to earn it and we need to respect others. It's a mixture of fear and love, it's a behavior of obedience at ALL times, and it's something you must give in order to receive.