Splash. The rock hit the pond the quiet peace of the lake shattered.
My rock sank to the bottom- gone
irretrievable, heavy, cold- gone
I didn’t turn to grab another one
I stood watching the ripples
seeing them spread before their disturbance was done
and I couldn’t help but wonder-
what if that’s how this war is won?
What if the splash my death makes
Startles someone else awake?
Like a rubber band that snaps and snaps your hand
maybe my death could be someone’s wake up call
snapping them out of their dependence on self
Pushing them to give Christ their all.
Maybe that’s where the thoughts should have stopped
But it's not.
is it too dangerous to even think about these thoughts?
Impacting lives through action on a word that’s forbidden
Swapping my breath for a legacy, my footsteps for echoes
The thoughts continue on honestly and unfiltered
What if my pain starts a conversation
plants a seed and leads to a salvation?
What if the impact of my action changed a life that changed the nation?
Why is it so easy to write so many lines about darkness and hurt
And draw a blank when writing about taking another breath?
These words are my artwork- the talent God’s gifted me with
But all I can paint are landscapes of sorrow
using words that show my lack of care for tomorrow
This life is a masterpiece- the treasure God has blessed me with
But oh how lightly I often take His gift
Slap, slap, slap. The band clicks on repeat on my wrist.
click, click, click, thoughts spin in my head
like a train running on a track
my thoughts run faster and faster- no going back
maybe I’m blowing off steam but hear me out
I’m tired of doing hard things,
I don’t want to be a success story.
Maybe I can be one of those tragic ones
and make people want to not be like me.
To the joy of living I’ve become so numb
what happened to life abundantly?
Peace beyond understanding?
where is the hope that is always unwavering?
Their reality in my mind is fast disappearing
What this life offers is not worth the effort to live
But God doesn’t offer what this world contains
Him giving Jesus was the best gift I could receive
And it’s His promise of joy that I’ll choose to beleive
My contempt for His gift mocks His choice to forgive
This life was bought with blood, it belongs to Him
Adopting thoughts of death is throwing away the thought of my adoption
My life, my every breath, isn’t mine
do I ignore the Creator whose command to put me here was divine?
this mountain in front of me was the hill He created for me to climb
Will I ignore the voice of the Savior that climbed calvary?
He ran the race for the joy of eternity
He won the war so I can fight with certainty
Jesus didn’t take His life, He laid it down
laying down my life today means choosing to climb out
It means letting my salvation in Jesus drown out the doubt
Joy comes in the morning
Life in Him can be lived abundantly
Peace through prayer comes without understanding
Hope in Christ leaves the Christian unwavering
Under the weight of these thoughts my hope is again appearing
Making life in Christ look all the more appealing
Living on can give me a chance to speak these thoughts aloud
to be a breath not a legacy, a footstep not an echo
To impact not just one life but a whole crowd
If your voice feels muted today then I have a reason to shout
You are more than a stone sinking down
You are strong enough to keep fighting despite your doubt
Your next breath makes your story a success
This is your wakeup call- you can make a difference alive
Tear off the shackles and in Christ’s joy abide
Life in God is worth the effort to live
Your existence here is a gift
By a Creator who loves you, you were given time
Don’t throw away the masterpiece painted by the divine
Maybe this is why I was given words that paint sorrow
To remind you that there is always hope for tomorrow
With my time I will choose to start the conversation
Paint the landscape of pain to give depression an explanation
And when I run out of words about wanting to live
I will write books about why you should take your next breath
Your life and mine was bought with our Savior’s death
In His sacrifice we find our wake up call
So use the life He’s given you to give Jesus your all.