The problem with being ok

I'm sure you've been asked if you were "ok" at some point in the past. It seems to be our go to question whenever we see someone who is obviously not "ok". Anytime we see a problem we just ask if it's ok.

Many times when I am asked if I am ok, I am conflicted over how to answer. How do you answer that question? At one such time I was obviously not “ok” and this person realized that. So why did they even bother asking? Could I respond by saying “no, I am not ok”? Isn’t that selfish? Even if I had answered yes, I knew that this person was going to ask “what’s wrong?”, so why wasn’t that just the first question? Are any of us actually “ok”? What does that even mean?

Questions like that have pestered me for a while now. It's been difficult for me to understand why people ask “are you ok?” And I don't understand what the answer should be. So let's go through some answers to questions that I need answered, and maybe you'll relate at least a little to some of these thoughts.

Why do people bother asking "are you ok?"? They ask because they care. For some reason they want to know what's going on and if they can do anything to help. And that is a good thing, it's nice that people care, they have the right idea. But they/we also ask it because we are afraid. We don't want to ask "what's wrong?" for fear that nothing is wrong and then we look weird for asking. "Are you ok" is a safer question. Obviously, I see a problem with that. If we are asking because we care, shouldn't we ask the harder question? The question that may actually get an answer that tells us how we can help? Honestly, "are you ok?" is the wrong question. We should be asking “how can I help you?” or “what’s going on?” Not only is it the wrong question, it also carries the false assumption that being ok is a good thing.

If we respond to the question by saying, "yes", then the asker often shrugs and walks away, assuming nothing is wrong. But being "ok" IS wrong. We shouldn't live our lives in a stream of ok days. Rather, we should be joyful, grateful, and productive. We need to stop falling into a pattern of ok, we weren't made to just survive from day to day.

We were meant to be like trees planted by a stream of living water, they don't just survive and scrape by, they flourish. 

We all get asked "how are you?". Generally we respond along the lines of, "I'm ok, how are you?". If we say anything negative about how we are, then we get asked what's wrong.

Being "ok" has become normal. But it shouldn't be. If someone says they are ok, the asker should not be satisfied with that answer but rather curious as to why they are just ok. The asker should follow up by questioning why they aren't great, happy, or joyful. So the question "are you ok" is the wrong question and contains the false assumption that just being ok is a good thing.

But it's not just the question that is the problem, it's the normal response that is also flawed. It's difficult to know what to say to this question, so if we are in pain and don't want people to know, then we just respond with "I'm fine" and hope they will leave us alone. Doing this thwarts the attempt the asker made to show care. Whoever is asking wants an honest answer the majority of the time and by saying we're ok when we're not is communicating that we don't care about their attempt to care. It's shutting people out who want to help. That's hurtful to you and to the person who cares about you. 

So if that's the wrong answer, what should we say? We should be honest. If we're hurting and someone asks the flawed question "are you ok?" then give an honest answer. If you're just doing ok, then say yes. If you're doing amazingly well, tell them that. And if you aren't ok, tell them you're not ok and explain what's wrong. But I, like so many people, am hesitant to do that. I think we hesitate mainly because it seems selfish. Before answering, when someone asks me if I'm ok, I have always considered if it's a bad thing for me to say no. If I say I'm not ok, then I am afraid it will seem like I'm all about me, like I believe I deserve their attention and worry. And that's definitely not what I want to be seen as, so I'll just say yes. I think that's the mindset of many people who won't give an honest answer to this question. So in order to avoid seeming selfish, we hide our hurt. The problem there is that if someone asks about you, it's ok to talk about you. Obviously don't go on and on about yourself or exaggerate something just so you can talk about yourself, but be honest. If someone cares enough to ask about you, then probably they genuinely care so you should give a genuine answer. 

Generally when I get asked if I'm ok, I am conflicted over how to respond. Now don't get me wrong, I love the fact that someone cared about me enough to try to understand what was going on. But it's the wrong question and often receives the wrong answer. It gives the asker the opportunity to hide behind a "safe" question and the answerer an opportunity to hide behind a "safe" answer. But shouldn't we be honest with each other? If we care about people, shouldn't we be brave enough to show that we care? Don't ask if someone is ok, ask what's wrong or how can I help. Don't assume that because they say they're ok, they are actually doing well. And don't respond to this question by blowing it off and thwarting someone who cares. Don't be dishonest for fear of being selfish. 

BE GENUINE!!! 

If you care, genuinely care! If you're in pain, be genuinely honest about it! And please don't be ok with just being ok. We must not simply stumble through our days with our heads hung low, rather we must flourish like a tree planted by streams of living water. "Are you ok?" is the wrong question and being ok is the wrong lifestyle. Let's break away from the dialogue that disguises our feelings and instead, be open and caring toward other people.

Thanksgiving

Time for a stereotypical holiday post, you know, the one that tells you what it really means to be thankful this Thanksgiving holiday. And I wanted to write this to add my voice to the thousands that are trying to explain the true meaning of living thankfully (at least for one day). But I also wanted to do something a little differently, I don't want to list things I'm thankful for, I'm not going to ask you what you're thankful for, and I'm not going to tell you to be grateful. Those are all good things but I'll leave them to other people to tell you. Rather, I want to challenge you.

Thanksgiving is "an expression of gratitude". An expression is "making known your thoughts or feelings". So on Thanksgiving we should actually be making known our thoughts of gratitude, not just keeping them to ourselves. And if we take a moment to think of what we're really grateful for, what really makes a difference in our lives, it's people. The people surrounding us shape us into who we are and bless us in incredible ways. So instead of just being grateful this Thanksgiving day, I challenge you to go thank five people who have blessed you in the last year. Just five. Go tell a handful of people that you appreciate them and what they've done for you. This could be your parents, your siblings, your best friend, the person who cooked the meal, anyone who has benefitted you in some way. 

Saying "thank you" isn't that hard, but we often forget to do it. People appreciate being appreciated, and when we don't tell them thank you they can feel forgotten. There are so many people in our lives that make a difference, and we take many of them for granted. Instead of just having an attitude of gratefulness, or listing things your grateful for, go tell five people that you appreciate them. Let them know they're not forgotten. Inspire them to continue on. 

In the spirit of this challenge, I want to say thank you. Knowing that people will read what I write encourages me to keep writing. And I love writing. If you are reading this than you are inspiring me to continue doing what I love, and I'm very grateful for that. You are the reason I continue to write my thoughts down, organize them, and post them. So thank you. 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and help other people enjoy it by making them feel appreciated! Take a moment to tell five people thank you, after all, that is what Thanksgiving is all about.

From Now On

How many of us make New Year's resolutions?

What about goals for the school year?

Have you ever kept working toward those goals for a substantial amount of time?

Trying to reach our goals is hard, you have to keep your feet on the ground and forge ahead through disappointments. We should set goals that make us a better person, and then reach those goals by forming habits. Consistently shaping ourselves into better people makes an impact on the lives of people around us. Being diligent and hardworking widens our sphere of influence and changes how people see us.

We all have dreams that one day we can change the world right? Everybody wants to make an impact and leave their mark on history. 

But changing the world starts with changing yourself. 

I loved the movie The Greatest Showman. One of the reasons I liked it so much was because of the truth it conveys, especially in the soundtrack. As P.T. Barnum sets out to change the world of entertainment, he comes to realize that he wasn't happy with the man he became, he saw that he needed to change himself rather then the world. This is conveyed in the song From Now On, when he sings,

 From now on

These eyes will not be blinded by the lights
From now on
What's waited till tomorrow starts tonight
Tonight

Let this promise in me start

Like an anthem in my heart

From now on

It's hard to change. But by setting and reaching for goals, we can change and change the world. We have to decide that from now on, we are going to change ourselves, set those goals and then reach them. It's time to live by Nike's motto, "Just do it" and get to work. Make goals, set your standards high for yourself, and then take action. Reach for something higher and make a difference in the world by making a difference in your life. And it starts today. Change begins with a resolution, progresses with an action, and it snowballs into impacting lives around you.

Identity in Christ

Ever wonder where your sunglasses are, start rifling through every place you know of and then find them on your head? Have you ever left the keys in the door and then scoured the whole house for them? How about setting your coffee down somewhere and spent forever longing and looking for it?

Problems like these happen rather frequently, and often the issue in these situations is looking in the wrong place for something that isn’t there. This problem doesn't stop with misplaced objects, but rather often occurs when looking for things infinitely more important, and even when searching for our identity, for who we are and what we are worth as people. We search everywhere, seeking that one moment when we have the recognition we want, only to find it slips away, changes, or isn’t as we thought, and once again we’re lost in the search for significance. In our crowded and competitive world, the search for who we are is becoming ever more urgent. And sometimes we look in the wrong place.

Adam Levine sums up our anxious thoughts on who and what has the power to define us when he asks in his song Locked Away, “If I showed you my flaws if I couldn’t be strong, tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?” the mindset here is the common one of believing that what you do, defines you. Thankfully, the answer to who we are is given to us in the Bible, whenever it speaks of God’s love and the sacrifice He made for us.

In the next few moments I would like to encourage to acknowledge your worth in Christ, and realize that past mistakes or doubts of the future don't define you.


Most people search for their identity in other people or things. The web is filled with quotes on self-esteem and how to make yourself loved. The general opinion is that you are what you do, and for many people their job, their sport or their greatest accomplishment is how they define themselves. This is a works based approach to self-worth, and it does not provide the reassurance we desperately need. When you are always trying to please people, you lose a sense of who you truly are. People around us will always demand more from us, society and even others close to us often demand perfection and scorn us when we can't meet that standard. The result is confusion, sadness, and depression. Rather then turning to people or actions for our worth, we should look to God.

But in order to understand who we are to God, let’s first look at who we are compared to God. Because to understand the magnitude of His love, we should look at the significance of His sacrifice for us. Isaiah 40:15 says, “Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; He weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.” We are one drop, tiny and insignificant next to the nations of all time.

That is what we should be worth to God. The good news is that He doesn't see us like that.

Compared to God we are nothing, but in His eyes we are everything.

No one can stand when measured up to the perfection and infinite majesty of God, but thankfully, He does not look at us in comparison to Him, rather He looks at us as His perfect creation which can bring glory to Himself, forgiven by His Son. And despite of who we are as sinners we are still loved by Him. To remember how great, how deep the Father's love for us is, we only have to look at his hands, look at His side. Christ’s love for us is greater than the drops in the ocean. And we are His children. His creation. Which He made in His image.

That is our identity as Christians. That is the promise we must run to in the midst of our daily life, the hope we can cling to. He should be the one place we go to for answers, the way we define ourselves. Go anywhere else and your looking in the wrong place, searching for something that is not there. Nothing we do, no acts of charity, no helping the poor, no receiving awards, not even winning nationals, could ever achieve the love we already have.

Our identity is complete in Christ alone.

So if you lost everything you thought made you who you are, if you could no longer be strong in the way you are expected, what would you be worth? If it seems that life would be hopeless, then you are looking in the wrong place for your identity and your salvation. We must realize that only Christ defines us, and while compared to Him we are nothing, in His eyes we are everything.

The Economic Problem

I recently finished macroeconomics and microeconomics for school and I enjoyed it (I enjoyed finishing it more than actually doing it though). But I've been thinking a lot about why we have economics. In both the courses, there was a module that focused solely on the purpose behind the study, and that purpose surprised me. Economics only exist because of scarcity. If it weren't for scarcity there would be no reason for the study of the economy. It's interesting because even the richest people experience scarcity. So I've decided the problem is not having too little, it's always wanting more. Discontentment drives economics, humans can never be satisfied with what we have. The economic problem is not scarcity, it's discontentment. So let's look at what it means to be content with what we have. 

Contentment is not something we find, it's an attitude we must have. It doesn't depend on our circumstances, in fact, it's often in spite of them. When he wrote his letter to the Philippians, Paul had a lot of trials to contend with, his circumstances weren't great. And yet, much of the letter is about rejoicing and standing strong in the Lord. In Philippians 4:11 he writes, ".....for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." He had decided to be content with whatever he was going through, to not desire more than God had given him, that was his attitude about everything the world threw at him. The fact is, that God pours His blessings out on His people, and being discontent is simply being blind to those blessings. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything is driven by discontentment, we just don't call it that. We call it scarcity. To quote my economics textbook, "Scarcity occurs when we have unlimited wants but limited resources. For each of us, our ability to satisfy our wants is limited by the time we have, the income we earn, and so on. These limits mean that everyone has unsatisfied wants." It goes on to point out something that I found rather sad, "Everyone faces scarcity. Even the richest Americans, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, have to face scarcity because they want more than what the available resources can provide to satisfy them." No matter how rich you are, there are always things you want. And sadly, for most of America, this is true, most people suffer strongly from discontentment. Our demand almost always exceeds the supply. Economics is the study of how we cope with that. But the truth is, we can't conquer scarcity if we are simply trying to satisfy wants. Economics cannot solve the problem it has been presented with. If we simply try to find satisfaction by getting more of the resources that make us happy, then we will be endlessly searching.

I want to point you to one of my favorite movies, The Greatest Showman. Think about what Barnum did. He went from nothing, to plenty, and then back to nothing. And in one of the last scenes of the movie, he's at his lowest. That's when he realized his discontentment had driven him to lose almost everything. Then he sings the he sings the song "From Now On". And the lyrics say, "For years and years, I chased their cheers, The crazy speed of always needing more." But once he realizes this, he makes a promise to change it. The song also says, "From now on, These eyes will not be blinded by the lights, From now on, What's waited till tomorrow starts tonight, Let this promise in me start, Like an anthem in my heart, From now on." He realized that being happy didn't mean chasing the cheers of an audience, or standing on a stage, or receiving awards, it didn't require politicians praising your name, it was only necessary that you are satisfied with what you have. It took him a long time to realize that. Let's not make that mistake. 

Honestly, I'm not just talking to you. This post, like many of them, addresses my struggles. Discontentment has been a problem for me. No matter how much I get, I tend to focus on what I don't have. Often I will be surrounded by my best friends, doing what I love, having fun, and still be focused on what awards I can earn. In reality, contentment doesn't come from walking across a stage, or receiving a medal, or a bunch of first places'. It's being happy where you are. And I want to focus on that, especially in the next two weeks. So I urge myself and you to decide that from now on, we won't be in a crazy speed of always needing more, our eyes won't be blinded by the lights. From now on let's try to say with Paul, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Let's prove that not everyone faces scarcity, let's show that you don't have to be a millionaire to be content. The economic problem is said to be scarcity. But the real problem is discontentment. We can conquer that in our own hearts by changing our attitude and not being blind to the blessings God gives us. That would solve the problem economics has never been able to.

Labels

Step out of your box

Ever heard someone say, "I can't help it, that's just the way I am"? Or something like, "I will never be good at this so I don't need to try"? Statements like those annoy me. A lot. They put people in a box and say that they will never move outside of it. We put labels on ourselves and on others that prevent growth and success. That always frustrates me. It's like creating a box and then deciding to never leave it, even if it's not a good thing to stay in it. The problem is that we hide behind labels, we use them as excuses to not do things.

We label ourselves as introvert or extrovert, intelligent or unintelligent, loud or quiet, and then we stay like that. Last week, I talked about personality types a little, and I think that's one way that we label people. Now, I don't think it's a bad thing to know your personality, I think it's a bad thing to use that as an excuse for something. If I see someone standing alone in a corner I can't just say, "I'm an introvert I don't need to go talk." That would be like seeing someone's house on fire and deciding that since I'm not a fireman I can't help at all. As an introvert, I should still be kind to other people even if that means that in need to go outside my box. We should use labels, like personality types, to help us know how to improve rather than being happy with our weakness's. Extroverts do this too, I've heard people say they can't help but be loud and shout when they should be quiet, simply because that's the way they are. And sure, not everybody does this, but I've found that way too many people do. It's hard not to. Making excuses comes natural to us and labels are our best excuse. But we don't just leave it at that. We don't stop with labelling ourselves, we label others.

When someone walks into a room, you have judged them almost immediately in some way and put a label on them. Business Insider reports that first impressions are made within seven seconds. We label people naturally, and the problem with that is we act based on those labels way too often. If we see an introvert we think they're happy to be left alone, when in reality, everyone wants friends. We look at an extrovert and think they have plenty of friends and wouldn't be interested in getting to know us. Seeing someone younger than us, we think they aren't "on our level" and so we avoid them. We see an adult and decide not to speak to them because we think we are beneath them. We tend to think that anyone really smart or a super good debater can't be nice, so we avoid getting to know them. And I don't think everyone does this, but I do think it all happens way too often. The problem mainly lies not just with labels, but with how we act due to the labels we put on others. We stick to our first impressions of people and never give them a second chance. 

So I ask that you use labels to show you where you need to improve, not as a shield to hide you from certain interactions. Do what you can to break out of any stereotype and conquer any labels that are put on you or that you put on others. Personality types are great for finding out about who we are, but all too frequently we let them put us in a box and we never try to change it. In fact, we use it as an excuse. Let's change that. 

Let us all become the person we should be, not the person we are labelled as. 

Introverts should step out of their box and introduce themselves to people. Extroverts should be more quiet and sensitive around people. When someone new walks in the room and you get your impression of them, give them a chance to change it. This takes courage. We become comfortable with who we are, change is hard. Stepping outside our box is risky. But we must have the courage to break out of the labels placed on us, and the courage to get to know people despite whatever label you've placed on them. With courage comes change. 

Being just the way we are is great, and we are unconditionally loved as ourselves, and yet, life is about direction not perfection. We are to become more like Christ every day. And labels can help us, as long as we are focused on stepping outside of them, on becoming better then we were yesterday. 

Don't make excuses. Have courage. Step outside the box.

Personality

I know I've told you guys a little about me in this post. But I thought it would be cool to talk a little more about my personality and what that means for me. Also, this may be important for a later post....so stay tuned.

 I've mentioned many times before that I'm an introvert, but there's parts of my personality that seem pretty cool.

I'm an INTP on the Myers-Briggs personality test. That means I'm Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving. Humanetrics.com says, "INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them." That sums me up pretty well. People think I'm not paying attention, when really I'm just thinking more deeply about what they're saying. INTP's also tend to see things as what they could be, we search for how things could be improved, we find the possibility for improvement in every thing. I'm shy about meeting new people, but I can be very self-confident around those who I know.

 Basically, I can seem pretty withdrawn around lot's of people and knowledge is one of the most important thigs to me. But there is another personality test called the Enneagram, which also gives an accurate description of my personality. I'm a type 5, an Investigator. Investigators have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful. That's me in a nutshell. The hard parts about being a 5 are feeling lost when I'm in a crowd, wanting to voice my opinions but not wanting to stand out, and people telling me I seem distant or arrogant because I struggle with connecting with people.

 The similarities between me and these analysis' of me are pretty amazing. Really, both types of personality tests lent the same result for me, I'm introverted and I love facts and knowledge. These tests can be very useful, they don't just show me what I like, they also pinpoint my weaknesses. They reveal what I need to work on. This is my personality, but I can change the bad parts. I'm not confined to remaining like this

For some people, personality tests aren't at all accurate. But it was pretty accurate for me so I enjoyed it. You're probably wondering what the takeaway is, why did I even bother to write this? I kinda just wanted to have fun, let y'all get to know me a little better. It's also going to be important in next week's post. I also want to point out that, whatever our personality, God designed us specially and beautifully. 1st Corinthians 15:10 says, "But by the grace of God I am what I am." And Psalm 139:14 tells us that we are, "Fearfully and wonderfully made." We are exactly what God meant us to be. It's pretty neat to look at all the personality types and the differences in the people that God made and look at ourselves and realize that we are His wonderful creation. And when we look at who we are, we must remember that this is what we are by the grace of God. 

You guys should take the tests and let me know what you are. If there's any INTP's or type 5's reading this I would really like to know. Here's the link for the Myers-Briggs test and to take the Enneagram you can go here. Take them, analyze if it's accurate at all, and let me know! 

Petrichor: After it rains

You know that smell when you walk outside right after it rains? The one that makes you feel like the world is as it should be? 

Well that smell has a name: Petrichor. 

Petrichor literally means the smell after it rains. And if you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, you need to spend more time outside. The beauty of the earth after it rains is astounding and you definitely need to see it. And smell it. It's called petrichor, but for me, that smell has a different word as well. Nostalgia. See, I lived in Maine for 8 years. And it rained quite a bit up there in the spring. Often, we would go outside when it rained and splash around in the puddles and just have fun. Then the sun would start to come out. A rainbow would appear. The mist would start rising off the ground. Our soaked clothes would begin to dry. 

And everything looked magical. 

I only remember a few of these moments, but I hope I never forget them. Those feelings of pure comfort and joy will certainly not be forgotten. Nostalgia is looking back on things with a feeling of fondness. We need to do more of that. Each and every one of us has come a long way. We've fought battles, we've learned lessons, we've persevered. And sometimes we need to remember that.

Steven Curtis Chapman is a Christian songwriter who wrote a song called "Remember to Remember", it stood out to me among because of the way he phrases our journey through life. The lyrics I love the most say,

"Well, I've been looking back over my shoulder
Retracing every step trying to unforget
And I see the mountaintops I've journeyed over
And I see the valleys deep where I crawled on my hands and knees
Pages and memories filled with joy and stained with tears
They call my name and if I listen, I can hear them saying
Remember the way He led you up to the top of the highest mountain
Remember the way He carried you through the deepest dark
Remember His promises for every step on the road ahead
Look where you've been and where you're going
And remember to remember"

We should remember what has gotten us this far, look back on the lessons we've learned and the good times we've had. From those memories, we can draw the strength to continue on. The Lord has been with us through tough times already, we must have faith that He will continue to be with us in the future. That's the good side of nostalgia.

But nostalgia isn't always a good thing. Sometimes feelings of fondness for the past can keep us from looking at the future. They can come upon us when we don't need them and hold us down. We have to learn to let go of certain things. At some point, we have to look past them and move on. There is a balance we all have to find between remembering things, and letting them go. Memories tie us to our past, sometimes they can be an anchor that steadies us, but sometimes they can be a chain that imprisons us. 

Everything we have done has helped create who we are, so we must, from time to time, remember those things. But at the same time we must not be weighed down by them. 

For me, those nostalgic memories come flooding back when it rains. Now, every time I smell petrichor, it takes me back to that magical time in the rain in Maine. The times when I was totally carefree. Nostalgia can be a bad thing, it can keep us tied to the past and prevent us from moving forward. It can conjure up feelings of sadness at a time when we should be happy. But it can also keep us from forgetting past blessings. It can help us keep pushing forward to achieve similar memories. It can show us the magic that God places in our lives. 

And that is what I feel when it rains. I am transported to another time and place. Those memories surface whenever I smell petrichor, the beautiful scent of the rain drying up from the earth. So step outside after it rains and make your own memories, and in the future always remember to remember. 

Unnoticed is ok

Some people stand out. You know, the kind of people where you walk into a room and immediately notice them. The people who seem to be everywhere and meet everyone.

And then some of us aren't like that. Some people just aren't noticed that much, or at least feel that way. These people with quiet spirits and subdued speech just don't seem to get much attention. Most of those people are introverts, who watch the world without interjection. And I'm sure at some point, whether introvert or extrovert, you have felt this way as well. Overlooked by society, left out of the popular circles, unknown by the "cool kids". And it can feel pretty tough to be unnoticed. In fact, some people make it their goal to become liked simply so they don't have to deal with the pain of being unnoticed.

 That's wrong.

I believe that being unnoticed is ok, even good. There's a few reasons for that. 

Being in the background means less pressure. Honestly, if no one really pays much attention to you then you can be absorbed in your own thoughts, or caught up in a book, and no one even realizes you really aren't paying attention. Going unnoticed gives you freedom to enjoy yourself without being judged as much as the popular kids.

 I think that if you are unnoticed then you know what it feels like, so you notice. Because you aren't seen, you can spend more time seeing. When you're unnoticed you relate better to people who also feel left out, you can impact their lives. Those who are less popular are in a good place to serve others. In fact, people who serve others should be unnoticed. In fact, people who serve others should go unnoticed. Mathew 6:3-4 says, "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." Our giving should always be in secret, so going unnoticed is ok.

But I know, feeling overlooked can hurt. Standing in a crowded room watching everyone talk and laugh is hard, it can make you feel unloved. Sitting alone in a row of chairs can make you think you are forgotten. And at some point, everyone has felt that pain. Everyone addresses it in a different way, some people seek popularity, others embrace the loneliness. But I would suggest that if you feel like you are unnoticed, you should use it to serve others. You are put in the place you are in for a reason. You were made for a purpose only you can fulfill. If you are unnoticed by everyone, then there is a good reason for it. If you look at it in the wrong light and view it as painful and pitiful then that's what it will be. But if you see it as an opportunity.....the possibilities are endless. 

Maye you're not one of these people, maybe you're a popular person and cant relate to the people who blend in to the background. If so, then here's a quick word of advice for you: Make A Difference. You also have a platform, people are watching you to see what is "cool", use that to shine a light into people's day. Notice the people who go unnoticed and remind them that they are special too. 

Some people are just overlooked by society, that's ok. Don't see it as a problem, use it as a solution. No matter where you are, who you are, or how popular you are, you are where you are to do something only you can do. So, do it. I know what it feels like to be unnoticed, I know that others feel the same way. And I know that unnoticed is ok.

Stress

I should probably study for that economics final, the one that I'm taking tomorrow. The PSAT is coming up in two weeks, I really need to study for that. And then the SAT will be soon after, reading the book for that would be a good idea. Oh, and the chemistry CLEP test? The one that has a 29% pass rate? That's coming up. Was I supposed to start micro-economics tomorrow? I need to do math when I get a chance. My first speech and debate tournament of the year is in one month, I should write my speeches. Did I finish that literature paper? I think someone called me to help clean the house. And I need to respond to that email I got.
Wait, have I not written a blog post yet????

These were my thought Sunday night as I worried about all the things yet to be done. I felt like everything was pulling me in a thousand different directions and I was inches away from fracturing into a million pieces. I was stressed. Now, I'm not the only busy person, in fact, I'm sure everyone deals with this kind of pressure. But in a whirlwind of things that need to be done, in an atmosphere of intense pressure, we need to breathe. When you're dealing with stress in any situation, you need to breathe. I know, breathing doesn't seem like the logical thing to do when there's important things to get done. But I have found that it helps (so does not procrastinating on studying).

Also, thinking about how much stress helps you in the long run gives you the desire to keep going and not scream, cry, or loose control.

James 1:2-4 says "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

We can rejoice in our stress because endurance through it makes us complete. And even though we can be faced with hard times, we shouldn't be anxious about it. Philippians tells us that "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

Isn't that cool? Going through difficult times, it is hard to not be anxious. But if we pray thankfully to God and present our stress and worries to Him, we will experience peace beyond all understanding. Right now, it's a difficult time for everyone. School is kicking into full gear, the fall has just started bringing certain activities closer for some people, it's football season so everyone wants to be watching tv, and life is just busy. And there is no easier to be stressed. But right now, I urge you (and me) to be calm. Life will slow down again, this season will pass, and we will emerge stronger and smarter because of it. So take a moment to breathe. Reflect on God's sovereignty. And then push forward through whatever daunting task is ahead of you with endurance, knowing that in the end, you will experience peace that you cant even comprehend right now. 

That's all for now, I should probably go study.

HOPE

I love myths, stories, and movies. They help us picture what the world could be like, they give us the ability to imagine things that we cannot experience. And they carry great truths. Every civilization has it's own folklore, from Greek myths, to legends, to movies, truth is passed down from generation to generation. People seem to have a need to invent stories. I've often wondered why, but recently I think I found the answer. I think it gives people hope. Gives them something to believe in when they need it the most. Allows people to imagine a world where problems are solved. Because of that, so many stories center explicitly around hope. And that's what I want to talk about today. Hope. A simple word. A complex topic. A necessity.

One of the first stories surrounding hope is the myth of Pandora's Box. A story about anger, revenge, and curiosity. The box was given to Pandora as a temptation, and curiosity led her to open it. The myth claims that when she did, every trouble and crime we know poured out of it and spread into the world. But one thing was left. When Pandora looked into the box she found hope staring up at her. Ever since then, humans have been able to hold onto hope when life looks bleak. When we are plagued with trouble, we must never release hope.

The thing I appreciate the most about this myth is that it portrays hope as something visible, even tangible. I love that. It's something we can see and we can feel and we know is there. And the effects of it are even more tangible. When hope is present, everyone can feel it. In the same way, giving it up has tangible results. Without hoping that change is possible, depression sets in. We have the choice to cling to or release hope, and the results of either choice are very real.

Another great way that a story expresses hope is through the character of Superman. In the movie Man of Steel, Lois Lane asks Superman what the "S" on his suit stands for. He replies that it is not an "S", rather it is a symbol that means hope. For many people throughout the movie, that was what Superman provided. He gave them hope of safety and a better world. People hoped in him and his abilities. Honestly, that's not a bad thing to hope in, a character who can do almost anything and is seemingly perfect. When considering what hope is, the object of that hope is important. Unfortunately for us, hoping that Superman will come to save us is rather pointless. But thankfully, we have Someone perfect and very real that should be the object of our hope. We have our own Savior that promises that all things will work together for the good of those that love God. That is what we should hope in. Romans 15:13 says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." We should hope, we must hope, our God is the God of hope. But what we hope in makes all the difference. At the end of the day, we should be able to say "I hope in the Lord that____ will happen." By hoping in God, we can be filled with joy and peace. Hoping in something fake or nonrealistic will only bring disappointment.

One of the most recent stories that focused a lot on hope was The Last Jedi. I'll admit, I'm not a super big Star Wars fan. However, I really enjoyed the way they explained hope in one of their scenes. At one point two characters were having a discussion when they comment that Leia used to say "hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night." Sometimes we can't see hope. Sometimes life can look really bleak and we can't see a way out. But we must still hope. That takes courage. When darkness surrounds us, when struggles hit us from all sides, having hope means being brave. Recently, I have been considering how easy it is to run from problems. Turning away and ignoring them, fleeing from our troubles, I've discovered that is very easy. Giving in requires no bravery. But continuing on is hard. What really requires courage is staying and fighting through it. Hope requires courage. We must believe in it even when we can't see it or else we won't make it through the night.

The last story I want to expound upon is not a myth. 
It's not a movie.
It doesn't contain a famous quote. 
It's the story of this post. 

To be honest, it took me 5 weeks to write this post. 5 weeks of full brainstorming, researching, and asking questions. I kept thinking that the post would take shape. I kept believing that one day I could finish it. Recently I told someone that I "hoped" to have it finished soon. But I finally realized I wasn't actually hoping. I discovered one more incredibly important aspect of hope.

Hope is effort.

It's not just believing, it's striving for something. It's not sitting back and waiting, it's working. That's what I lacked. And that's what I learned.

From these four stories about hope, we can finally define what hope is. It is tangible and has tangible effects, the object of hope must be worthy of hoping in, it requires bravery, and it is working toward something you want to happen. A simple word, a complicated meaning, a need.

The point I want to make is this: Hope is always necessary. It has been since the beginning of time and will continue to be. Throughout history, people have woven the theme of hope inside many stories and from each one of those stories we can learn a thing or two about what this word means. But not all of those stories have been passed down or given publicity. In fact, many stories about people clinging to hope are written every day, with every action. Hope is happening constantly inside of people’s lives. 

Right now, you are creating your own story by living your life and you are faced with a choice. Will you give up hope? Will your story be one of sadness and disappointment? Or will you cling to hope? Will you write a story that shows people what hope truly looks like? When you're faced with this choice, I implore you to choose to believe in something that has tangible effects, requires bravery and work, and needs a worthy object to be placed in. I ask that you would cling to hope. And one day, maybe it will be your story that inspires people to keep hoping.

Silence.

Fun fact: I’m an introvert.

If you know me, then you probably knew that already. Someone once told me I was really good at hiding it, but I never feel like that. I love being around friends, I love to hang out with people, but I’m pretty quiet and withdrawn when I am around anyone. And while I hate to be separated from friends for a long time, I also need time to “recharge”. To be by myself, preferably in silence. Everything around us is always rush, rush, rush. The world moves really fast and everyone is always in a hurry. And there’s always noise. But quite often it’s nice to step back and enjoy time alone. I think everyone has a need for silence. A need for everything to just be still around them for some time.

Unfortunately, silence is very difficult to find anymore. One of the reasons for that is technology. We now have speakers, headphones, iPods, and radios that are constantly blaring music at us. It seems like nobody can go anywhere without taking their noise with them. That noise can come in many forms, but I think music is the most prevalent. Just to be clear, I don’t have anything against listening to music at times, but there should be more emphasis on silence in our lives. We should have time to be alone with nothing but our thoughts.

The Washington post reports that 95% of adults have very little imagination, and imagination decreases with each year that goes by. That seems like a random statistic that has no purpose in this post, but I’m going to propose an idea. Maybe, just maybe, because of all the noise around us, because of the less time we have alone with our thoughts, the clamor of the world is leading to the decrease of our imagination. Is it possible that because we are always listening to music (or anything else) we are losing our imagination? Younger kids generally have more imagination then teenagers and adults, but now, they are also have phones and iPods and less silence. And I know, it’s a big step to say that listening to music is taking away our imagination, but I think it is very safe to say that we don’t have much time for silence in our lives and that imagination among children and adults is decreasing. I believe there is a correlation between those two things. I believe that we need silence.

When everything is quiet, we tend to dream more, we tend to think bigger thoughts about what could be. Nothing is demanding our attention, so we are able to focus on thinking. In order to make a change, we have to have the ability to see that it is possible, we have to dream of the world we could make. The lyrics in the song A Million Dreams from The Greatest Showman sum up the importance of dreaming:

“We can live in a world that we design
'Cause every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it's gonna take
A million dreams for the world we're gonna make"


We can live in a world that we design, but we have to be able to dream. We have to picture what the world could be. It takes an imagination. But in the hustle of the world around us, we get lost in the noise, it drowns out our thoughts and pushes us along. Silence is necessary. Give yourself time away from people and away from music. Make it so that you can hear yourself think. And you will cultivate imagination. Give yourself the time to dream. Clear your head of the clamor surrounding you. Even if you’re extroverted and need to be around people, silence and time alone is a good thing. It lets you think and reflect on things.


So now you know that I’m an introvert. For me, being alone sometimes is necessary. Silence is golden. It’s hard to find, but it’s valuable. It helps us think and dream of what the world could be. We need to turn off the noise. Get away from the distractions and clamor of the world around us. And let the silence envelop us.

The plain truth.

The truth will never change.

I've come to realize recently that even though our cultures, our leaders, and our beliefs change, the truth stays constant. As I began to realize this, I started writing about it. This year I decided to write a speech on truth and use it to compete in the homeschool speech and debate league that I am a part of. Hopefully, you guys will get to read that speech once I have completed it. But as I was thinking about the truth, I began pondering one of my favorite movies, The Greatest Showman. In the song This Is Me sung by Keala Settle, the lyrics communicate a powerful and moving message. I turned the lyrics over and over inside my head as I was thinking about truth until I clearly saw what was bothering me. So I want to present my thoughts to you today on the plain truth. Just the plain old truth.

I said that truth never changes, but we do. And our taste for things changes as well. Once upon a time, the Bible was practically the only book American families owned and read. Now we have so many other forms of entertainment that many families don't read their Bible together but they'll watch a TV show together. Consider how many people watched and talked about The greatest Showman. $165 million in the US and more than $217 million abroad and that was just before January 2018. That's a lot of money that people are spending to see this movie. And when they watch it, the audience hears the song This Is Me and sings along with the lyrics,

"When the sharpest words wanna cut me down
I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out
I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me."

Inspiring isn't it? Those are powerful, motivating words. But haven't we heard them before? The messages in those lyrics have been conveyed to us for centuries. Think about the words “I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be, this is me.” Where in the Bible do we get the same message? 

Philippians says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” That’s bravery. Romans says that “we have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God” We really are bruised, and yet Psalms tells us the we are “beautifully and wonderfully made.” We are who God meant us to be. That's just some of the lyrics that caught the attention of the world but communicated Biblical truths. And yet, the Greatest Showman got a lot more attention then the Bible does these days. Why? Well, the world doesn't want the plain truth anymore. So we had to decorate it. We added lights, choreography, a catchy tune, and Keala Settle. And boom, you have truth that people want to hear. Which sounds great right? At least people are hearing the truth. The problem is, we want it decorated and appealing. But that's not our job. We are just supposed to deliver the truth. 

You see, people didn't create truth. God did. His word is truth. And we are supposed to share it. It's like He is the chef and we are the waiter, our job is to deliver what He has prepared without messing it up. God will take care of the rest. As people begin to love decorated truth, they lose their appetite for the plain truth, even if it is good for them. We need to tell people the plain truth, they need to hear it. 

I remember hearing a story once about the magician Penn Jillette from the duo Penn and Teller. Penn is an atheist, but he made a video about a Christian who came up to him after one of his shows. This Christian handed Penn a Bible and had a conversation with him. Penn respected that. He's still an atheist, but he was touched by the fact that this man actually cared about him. He said, 

“How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate someone to believe everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?”

Think about those words. To not tell someone the truth about where they are headed if they don't accept Jesus means that you truly want the worst for them......for eternity. Sure, the truth is plain. Sure, most people probably don't want to hear it. But unless you hate someone, you should tell them the truth.


We are brave, we are bruised, we are who we were meant to be. Not because a song says so. Rather, because God says so. There's more, we are also His messengers, His waiters. We need to deliver the truth that He has given us. No lights or music is needed. Just the plain truth.

a choice

One word

One act of kindness

One smile

One choice…..

Can really make a difference. The life of a single person can touch thousands of lives simply because of one decision. We face such decisions every day. With everything we do we change someone else’s day, or week, or life. What can you do right now to make someone smile? How can you brighten someone’s day right now? Saying “hi” to someone might have a bigger impact than you could imagine. Asking a friend how they are doing, or what’s going on, is appreciated. Sometimes we don’t do these things because we are afraid of being judged, or looking weird, or seeming creepy. But it’s not creepy, it’s kindness. And it is powerful. Just telling someone that you are there for them shows that you care. We need to do that more often. So I have a challenge for you: try to brighten three people’s day. This could be as simple as saying hi, or as complicated as writing a letter, or just giving smile, maybe even sharing this blog could brighten my someone's day. I want you to make a difference today for three people. Use your choices to change someone's day.

One of the first times that I realized the power a choice can have was one time when I was watching my brother speak. And he told this story that captivated me and stuck with me.

There once was an old man who would walk along the beach every morning. One morning it was right after a storm had come, this storm had washed thousands of starfish up on the sand. While he was walking he came across a boy going in the opposite direction. As the boy walked he would bend down and pick up a starfish and place it back in the sea. Puzzled, the old man asked what he was doing, the boy replied that the starfish would die if not returned to the water, so he was giving them a chance to live. The old man laughed and said, “there are thousands of starfish, you won’t make any difference.”

The boy could have admitted defeat and walked away.

He could have agreed with the old man, laughed at his own foolishness, and forgotten the whole thing.

He had a choice

The boy bent down and picked up a stranded starfish in his hands and said, “I can make a difference for this one.”

And placed it in the ocean.

We have the same choice, we can make a difference for someone. Even when people point to how many depressing things there are in life, to how many people are suffering, we can spread the joy and hope, and make a difference. We can easily be like the old man, simply taking a stroll through life. Or we can look at people, see their pain, and say, "I can make a difference." That's the choice we have. A simple act of kindness or a single word, can mean the world to someone.

Rachel Scott, one of the first victims of the Columbine shooting in 1999, believed in showing compassion. She wrote a report for school titled My Ethics, My codes of Life. In it she says "I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go."

You can start a chain reaction. You can inspire people. You can change lives. It all starts with a choice. So make life better for three people today. Your mission, if you choose to except it, is to brighten three people's day.

It all comes down to the choice you make, I hope you choose to make a difference.                     

                      

Is Chivalry Dead?

"Chivalry is not just a fancy word with 

a neat meaning, it is a way of life" -Vaughen Ripley

A few months ago I asked for your opinion on chivalry, I was curious to see whether people thought
it was alive or dead in our culture. I'm really thankful for everyone who gave me their opinion. The unanimous response was that chivalry has changed, but it is alive. So I have reached a few conclusions about chivalry:

What is modern chivalry?
We don't have knights on horses riding around to help people anymore (everyone drives cars now) so what would chivalry in the 21st century look like? Chivalry is holding a door open, standing up when someone enters the room, offering your seat to someone, basically just treating others as more important than yourself.  It is the Golden Rule. That's something that everyone should try to do, which brings me to the point that annoys me most about chivalry:

Chivalry is a double standard:
In general chivalry applies specifically to men, it was the code of ethics for an ideal knight. The problem is that women should treat others respectfully as well. If us ladies want men to be chivalrous toward us, than we ought to be kind and respectful as well. If I could go back to Medieval times and change something, I would probably write a code of conduct for women and make it just as well known as the code of chivalry. Because ultimately, we are all commanded to treat one another as we would like to be treated and that applies not just to men but to women as well. Women can and should be chivalrous, we should open doors for people, stand when someone enters the room, offer our chair to others, and treat others as more important than ourselves. That would eliminate the problem in conclusion number 3:

The false dichotomy: Chivalry or Equality
The biggest protest against chivalry is that women want to be treated as equals. Some people will take chivalrous acts as an insult against women. People protest that men holding doors for women makes the women look weak, which is ridiculous. If we keep the mindset that chivalry is treating others as more important, then women would realize that it's not a sign of weakness to walk through a door that someone is holding open. If men and women behave respectfully toward one another than there will be chivalry AND equality, problem solved. It is not a situation where we have to choose one, the two great values of chivalry and equality go hand in hand. Which brings us to the good news:

Chivalry will not die: (probably)
I think that as long as there are good people in the world, chivalry will be practiced. So no, chivalry is not dead, though I will admit it isn't practiced by everyone. It's amazing to see people be chivalrous, it makes me super happy when someone is respectful toward another. We need to remember that while chivalry is not mandated, the Golden Rule is. We really don't have a choice, everyone should treat others as they would like to be treated, the command remains the same for all of us, knights and ladies.

So there you are, that's my thoughts on chivalry. If you want to help keep chivalry alive then you could send this post to people you know, then you would be doing a kind act for me and spreading the word about chivalry. Thanks again to everyone who let me know what they thought. If you have something to add or you disagree with me on something then comment and let me know. Also, if you have an idea or a question that would make a good blog post, I would love to hear it. So please let me know if you think of a topic for me to write about.