Shake

 Shake-

Shake a hand, fake a smile, make a friend.
Friends ask “are you okay, can I pray” but no.
“No”, shake your head no, no prayer request, no sign of you about to break,
break like a phone dropped on street, like your voice with every new person you meet.
Meet them all, wave like you know them all, pretend you’re strong enough, don’t make that phone call
Call, answer their call, pick up the phone and make your voice bright, make everything light.
Light is for those walking in Christ but with every breath your faith shakes,
shake under the weight, a hundred thousand pounds on your back.
Back to where you were a lifetime ago, one step forward and two in reverse.
Reverse time in your mind to when fear didn’t make you shake.
Shake off the pain, the doubt, the hurt, hide it in a closet with the sin that’s been hidden for so long.
Long to shake it all off like a Taylor Swift song,
songs play on repeat in your head, their fast beat keeps you out of bed and on the move.
Move into a room and your hands shake,
shake their hand, shake your head "no", shake it off… STOP

Stop living that script.
Shake their perceptions of you like an earthquake that shatters their world of perfection they’ve put you in.
Shake a hand and tell them you’re not brave.
Brave a hug, hug someone tight until your breath doesn’t shake, request an honest prayer today.
Today, walk with Christ and He will show you the light.
Light is for you- you anxious and scared and hurting and….unshaken.
Unshaken and unshakable- that is your name,
name Jesus as King and you have for your soul a forever anchor.
Anchors don’t move under the weight of your doubt,
doubt turns to belief when you take it before your King.
Kings, judges, people, parents, jerks, friends, their heart is a stream of water in His hand.
Hand everything to Him, yes be honest! He doesn’t care that your voice shakes,
shake the gates of heaven and cry out with what shakes your soul.
Souls like yours were granted access to God’s throne so at His feet take a seat.
Seat no other desire in your heart but to know Him better.
Better is He than all the fool’s gold that causes you anxiety.
Anxiety must always bow a knee before the voice of our King.
King, Christ, Creator, Savior, at His command what makes you quake shakes loose it’s grip and you can throw off its chains and stand firm without shaking.

Turn

Turn-
Turned away from Christ.
Turned to busyness, turned to a screen, to a drink, to a knife.
Turn- turned off my brain, my conscious, tried to stop God from speaking. Turn off the pain, tune out the hurt. I thought the darkness would never turn to light, I almost turned right at the stop light, turned to the bridge, turned off this biological machine.
Only God’s power can turn this life into a lighthouse, the tears into laughter, the pain to hope and the fear to peace.
Turn- how the tables turned, control was never mine but its illusion shattered.
Turn- where do I turn? Nowhere to go, my turn to be struck on the road to Damascus. My turn to have scales removed from my eyes by a servant of the Lord. Turned to the pages of 1st Peter, took a turn suffering, turned back to Christ who turned my heart and my life inside out. He gave me people to turn to- in a coffee shop, a phone call, a church office, an adopted family.
I couldn’t see the situation turning out for the better until months later when I turned around to look. Screens, drinks, knives turned to prayers, people, papers of words expressing my pain and joy. Church was no longer a cold palace of walls and fake smiles, it turned from a stranger to an open family My turn came to tell my testimony, to show the church I had turned to God alone. A crumbling tower of independence turned into a tree dependent on streams of living water.
The world kept turning and I turned 18, a time that was never supposed to come for me came and I didn’t turn my car off until I found myself in a completely new situation. Now every day my heart turns in my chest, fear churns in my heart. But it's time to take up the cross, step out in faith, drink the cup just as as my Savior in the garden did taking His cross so I in turn could carry mine. Depression turned into anxiety, hope of a new start turned to fear of failure. Again, my Shephard turned my eyes back to Him. He turned people out of their way so they could reach into my life. 

I turned from a captive to my thoughts to again taking every thought captive and turning them into words of praise for the God who is good. I turn off the panic, turn from my fear, my phone, my frenzy. New challenges, new opportunities, new people everywhere I turn- my Shield, Rock, and Salvation- my God- will never turn His face from me. Satan never turns off the attacks but the prayers of the suffering turn God’s ear and He turns His hand as He whispers “I am still here”. 

Friend- turn to God even when all seems hopelessly lost. Be still, know He is God. Turning now to service of others, prayer without ceasing, loving, seeking the hurting. 

The twists and turns of my life brought me here safe in the open arms of God’s grace and joyfully embraced by His people.