Eighteen.

6,570 days ago, I was born.

I don't know why.
I don't know why God chose to give my parents twins, why I was born second, why I was given the brain that I have and the situation I was placed in. All I know now is that I have somehow made it 18 years on this planet and God has a plan for my future that will bring me joy and Him glory. Each year I try to write something about turning a new age or about the year before.
365 days ago I turned 17 and wrote about how the next year would be focused on love. I could have never predicted the roller coaster that would follow an amazing birthday. People this year were amazing, I don't know where I would be without the incredible love I've been shown. Now I'm another year older but this birthday is supposed to be a bigger milestone because I'm legally an adult now. Sounds scary but honestly it feels normal. Age is just a number, experience and responsibility is, in many ways, what makes someone an adult. I started seeing myself as an adult shortly after I turned 16, I grew up too fast and don't really remember ever feeling like a kid after that. Now it's official though, the parties were thrown, the cards arrived in the mail, the sun dawned on the morning of Dec 6 and I became an adult. These last few years, I've felt so grown up, but, on my 18th birthday I started reflecting on how young I really was. 
I'm young. Only 18. Still a kid, still fighting to hold on to basic childlike faith. I'm the same girl that wrote about hope. The same one that dropped all her speech props on the floor. The one that stood shaking at awards after her first debate finals. I'm the hypocrite that gave the speech on hypocrisy. Yes, I'm the 15 year old that drove the car into the garage door and I'm the coach whose kids had to say goodbye just a few days ago.  But I also get a new start. Same past, same person, same personality, but dropped into the middle of a whole new world with new responsibilities and freedoms. A new car, a new phone, a new job, a new home, a new church, new plans, books, people, chances, and opportunities. I still have so much to learn, I have so far to go, but (maybe for the first time) I'm genuinely excited and very hopeful for what the future will hold. When asked what one goal would be for my 19th year year alive my first thought was this: I want to see Jesus use my words to change and impact lives even more this year. 
Every moment of these 18 years has been divinely orchestrated to create where and who I am now. I am who I am because of the God who controlled my past and controls my future. I want to give it all back to Him, I want to pour out on others like I have been poured into this year. I'm still so young but legally an adult, I have freedom and responsibility, a heavy, powerful past and an exciting, open future. I want to use all of that to bring others closer to Christ. 

I still don't know why I was born or how I got to where I am now, this is not the life I could have ever planned for myself. But God, who is rich in mercy, moved all the pieces into place and by His providence gave me a 19th year to live for His glory and my joy, and I'm excited. 

"Time is on the run so don't chase it"- Young, Jon Robert Hall

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound"- Isaiah 61:1