Emotions compel me to just move, stop overthinking and do what I know I want. The voice that whispers persists urgently, sounding like an angel. But it isn’t what it seems. When it’s mask is removed you’ll see it’s wings are torn and what’s left of it’s halo is black. You’ll stare haste full in the face and find that it wasn’t what it promised to be. It looks a lot more like an angel condemned to burn in fire with Satan along with others sentenced to the same fate in Mathew 25. Impatience sets a fire in our souls that is so tempting all we want to do is rush ahead. Yet when haste says "go" wisdom says "wait".
Wait.
I've come to strongly dislike that word. Patience is my weakness, slowing down is not my pace. Yet this last year has been full of that command.
Don’t find your own way of escape, wait for God. Don’t do anything stupid, just wait for His timing. Don’t rush into anything, wait for the right person and time. Don’t be impatient to leave, just wait. But every moment I wait the waiting gets harder. Maybe tomorrow all these thoughts will disappear and I’ll feel good again, loved, even hopeful. But what do I do when I hit rock bottom again next week and the cycle repeats? What do I do when the answers I know aren’t enough for the questions I have? When the memories of joy don’t justify the nights of pain?
In answer I hear my Father say, “come to me, follow me” and I try but my feet won’t move another step. When the emotional exhaustion leaves me frozen and numb, when the night feels too long, when all I have is empty prayers and cynical impatience, that’s when He is closest. He doesn’t shout over the noise of the storm, He leans down and whispers in my ear.
At 15 I wrote these words,
“maybe there is a beauty here
in the depth.
dark blue sadness,
like water surrounding me,
making me appreciate its color.
feeling the waves wash me clean.
there is a strange peace,
knowing He holds the oceans in His hands.
He holds me in His hands.
when the current tries to move me,
He is an anchor for my soul.
never have I felt this close
to the One that created me.”
I acknowledged then what I know to be true now: that the depth of sorrow makes me feel closer to the Man of Sorrows. That in the eerie silence of the valley of the shadow of death I can hear His voice better. So I will wait on the God who promises to renew my strength.
In answer I hear my Father say, “come to me, follow me” and I try but my feet won’t move another step. When the emotional exhaustion leaves me frozen and numb, when the night feels too long, when all I have is empty prayers and cynical impatience, that’s when He is closest. He doesn’t shout over the noise of the storm, He leans down and whispers in my ear.
At 15 I wrote these words,
“maybe there is a beauty here
in the depth.
dark blue sadness,
like water surrounding me,
making me appreciate its color.
feeling the waves wash me clean.
there is a strange peace,
knowing He holds the oceans in His hands.
He holds me in His hands.
when the current tries to move me,
He is an anchor for my soul.
never have I felt this close
to the One that created me.”
I acknowledged then what I know to be true now: that the depth of sorrow makes me feel closer to the Man of Sorrows. That in the eerie silence of the valley of the shadow of death I can hear His voice better. So I will wait on the God who promises to renew my strength.
Life is more complicated than politics, it’s a game of chess with words as pawns. You have to think and think ahead, strategize and reconsider and just when you think you’ve got it right a wrench is thrown in the knowledge you thought you had and you rework the scenario repeatedly in your brain just wishing you had waited a little longer.
Time and truth go hand in hand; time will tell the truth about the wisest path in front of you.
When everything you want is right there for the taking, wait. When everything you hate is around you and you just want to run, wait. When pain seems overwhelming and you want to escape, wait. When you are enjoying a perfect moment with friends but doubt starts to creep in and confusion begins to bubble up, make it wait.To abide in God is to pray first, to know God is to trust His timing, to imitate Him is to be logical in our thinking. Wait. Wait for the Lord. Wait for His timing. Be still and know. Say no to the temptation that haste whispers in your ear and choose the wisdom of waiting on God's timing. It's worth it.
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