Another Thanksgiving- Praise the Lord!

 2020 is a good year to be thankful in.

When have we ever needed a whole day to count our blessings more than we do this year? Isn't it a blessing that despite the chaos we've been through the world still spins and Thanksgiving still comes around? Maybe it seems like your world has fallen apart, and yet it's held together enough that, in some form, you get to celebrate what God has done for you. I hope you get to spend today with your family, making memories and eating all you can and then some. For those of you that don't get that "ideal Thanksgiving" this year, I pray that you still celebrate Thanksgiving in some way and remember what God has done this year. 

I went back and read my last two Thanksgiving posts and realized that there's really not much new that I can add to the conversation, last year's list of things I was thankful for is hard to top, it was such a great year. I bet we all feel that way. But even if it seems short, I think a list of things we're thankful for in 2020 is still really important to make. So here's my list and I ask you to make your own list today in remembrance of the blessings that come with the storms. 

I'm thankful for:
Family, God gave me more family this year than I could have thought possible. 
People that know me well and somehow love me anyway. 
A story that is powerful, painful, and full of hope that I can share with others.
A hallway that taught me what it meant to trust God with everything- even the past.
Coffee- Do I put this on every list I make? 
Long drives. I've driven a lot this year, a 3 hour trip along the coast, Sunday drives late at night, a ride up to OK, plus countless drives to work, I'm so thankful for every memory that driving has given me.
How covid-19 taught me what was really important in life and forced me to be patient and wait for God.
The countless blessings that I received because of the difficulties that covid-19 brought on America. 
How I've seen God work in world through covid-19.
Phone calls. Enough said. 
The words, "I love you 3,000"
Little kids, they're such a joy and their laugh is infectious. 
3am letters. Sometimes you think most clearly when you really wish your brain would just shut off for a few hours. 
A clean room, I never appreciated it before but now I kinda like it.
New music. Yes, I'm a Troye Sivan and Ben Rector fan now.
Hamilton. 2020 is made so much better by Hamilton, I relate so hard to it and am very obsessed. 
Words. Writing is powerful, reading is powerful. I read so many books this year and wrote thousands upon thousands of words. I love words.
Leadership opportunities. 
Mentors. Where would I be without them?
Sisters. 
A year of growth, love, hurt, healing, forgiveness, trust, patience, and God's unending faithfulness that I will never forget.

That's my list for this year but it's certainly not exhaustive. I praise the Lord for what He has given me this year and regret not being more thankful throughout the year.
Thanksgiving is an expression of gratitude, so today I ask that you choose not only to be thankful but to express that to others. Tell at least 5 people that you're thankful for them. Make a list of things you're grateful for. Share stories of God's blessings with others. Don't miss this chance to express your thankfulness, that's what today is all about. On that note, thank you. Thank you for reading this and whatever other posts I've written. Thanks for being you and never forget that you are a blessing to me and to others. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

First Dance

The First Dance- An image of the true love we find when we run to Christ. It's dancing with the greatest joy that we can't even explain. 

The light was dim
her face was shining
the floor was wood
the room was silent
words only she heard
spun in her head
 a stone heart melted
 the world was just her and Him.

A relationship was written in stone,
her name written in the book of life.
Back and forth was the exchange
quiet words between the two.
music played while heaven sang
radiant she reflected him.
Of the oldest force a picture was made
it was a love story as old as time
when through faith His love was displayed
it was a night of union
with the only one who could satisfy
she said yes to life
and it was her heart’s first dance

Life moved fast
in a whirlwind of change
from the chains that held her she was free at last.
she destroyed every cage, burnt her ships
He and her never parted
His name never left her lips.
It wasn’t just joy it was happiness too
perfect peace and comfort,
in Him she was satisfied.
they say it never lasts but she hoped it would
Finally it began to fade,
trials of life ruined the honeymoon faze.
time took its toll, simple truth seemed dim
the whirlwind became a hurricane and she forgot
that the only one who could calm the storm was Him.
happiness was distant, she no longer danced
her heart was a mess
so one night she ran
from the arms of her first love.

The night was dark
her soul was broken
the bridge was tall
the street was loud
thoughts she had
clashed in her head
her heart was stone
the world was frozen

From the depth of pain
she heard His voice again
“Peace, be still”
simple truths broke through
“I love you now, I always will”
And there as her tears fell at Calvary
her heart finally danced again before her king
the arms that caught her caught her by surprise
she looked up and saw the cross,
saw the pain of the Crucified
the love on His face.
Once again she knew who she was
only and always His bride.

Through life they went,
the two of them
growing together as He led
He always faithful, she always weak
yet always remembering the first dance.
looking ahead in the future she saw
one day when even that memory would fade
and they would again dance as all watched in awe.
We all wait for that day.

The morning light
the bride dressed in white
the gates are pearl
the trumpets sound.
voices raised for all to hear
the whole world watches her and Him.

On that day the bride will be,
presented spotless before the King.
a time of no pain
a day of union
the pair are announced,
the church is His,
He is hers,
heaven is open and joy complete.
of life ruining this moment there is no chance
with all of eternity before them,
it will be one unending first dance.

wait

The voice whispers in my ear exactly what I want it to, saying “hurry, take it now, the door is open just walk through it. Go, go, go, this is everything you wanted, everything you prayed for. Walk in wisdom and stop refusing to except this blessing before you, what are you waiting for?”

Emotions compel me to just move, stop overthinking and do what I know I want. The voice that whispers persists urgently, sounding like an angel. But it isn’t what it seems. When it’s mask is removed you’ll see it’s wings are torn and what’s left of it’s halo is black. You’ll stare haste full in the face and find that it wasn’t what it promised to be. It looks a lot more like an angel condemned to burn in fire with Satan along with others sentenced to the same fate in Mathew 25. Impatience sets a fire in our souls that is so tempting all we want to do is rush ahead. Yet when haste says "go" wisdom says "wait".

Wait.

I've come to strongly dislike that word. Patience is my weakness, slowing down is not my pace. Yet this last year has been full of that command.

Don’t find your own way of escape, wait for God. Don’t do anything stupid, just wait for His timing. Don’t rush into anything, wait for the right person and time. Don’t be impatient to leave, just wait. But every moment I wait the waiting gets harder. Maybe tomorrow all these thoughts will disappear and I’ll feel good again, loved, even hopeful. But what do I do when I hit rock bottom again next week and the cycle repeats? What do I do when the answers I know aren’t enough for the questions I have? When the memories of joy don’t justify the nights of pain?

In answer I hear my Father say, “come to me, follow me” and I try but my feet won’t move another step. When the emotional exhaustion leaves me frozen and numb, when the night feels too long, when all I have is empty prayers and cynical impatience, that’s when He is closest. He doesn’t shout over the noise of the storm, He leans down and whispers in my ear.

At 15 I wrote these words,
“maybe there is a beauty here
in the depth.
dark blue sadness,
like water surrounding me,
making me appreciate its color.
feeling the waves wash me clean.
there is a strange peace,
knowing He holds the oceans in His hands.
He holds me in His hands.
when the current tries to move me,
He is an anchor for my soul.
never have I felt this close
to the One that created me.”

I acknowledged then what I know to be true now: that the depth of sorrow makes me feel closer to the Man of Sorrows. That in the eerie silence of the valley of the shadow of death I can hear His voice better. So I will wait on the God who promises to renew my strength. 

Life is more complicated than politics, it’s a game of chess with words as pawns. You have to think and think ahead, strategize and reconsider and just when you think you’ve got it right a wrench is thrown in the knowledge you thought you had and you rework the scenario repeatedly in your brain just wishing you had waited a little longer. 

Time and truth go hand in hand; time will tell the truth about the wisest path in front of you.

When everything you want is right there for the taking, wait. When everything you hate is around you and you just want to run, wait. When pain seems overwhelming and you want to escape, wait. When you are enjoying a perfect moment with friends but doubt starts to creep in and confusion begins to bubble up, make it wait.

To abide in God is to pray first, to know God is to trust His timing, to imitate Him is to be logical in our thinking. Wait. Wait for the Lord. Wait for His timing. Be still and know. Say no to the temptation that haste whispers in your ear and choose the wisdom of waiting on God's timing. It's worth it.