1 step forward....2 steps back

can you relate to that phrase?
striving, working, longing to move forward only to realize how far backward you've gone? putting all your effort into moving just to feel stuck in a negative cycle? it is frustrating. it is discouraging. and it can make life seem hopeless.

i've been there. i think at some point, we all have.

i'm told that God works all things for the good of those that love Him, but there are times i can't see that. i have too many questions. too many times i have asked "why God?" and waited for an answer that never came. how is this for my good? how does this glorify you? do i not love you enough?

and every time i think i find the answer, my life is shaken again and i'm back where i started. no, i'm further back than when i started.

in the grand scheme of things, maybe i'm moving forward, but when i look back i'm not seeing the progress. just a mess. if life is just this constant fight to move forward that results in this feeling of going backwards, what is my reason for continuing the battle? where do i look for that reason? right now i'm looking back and it's not giving me a reason to move forward. is another day really another victory? or just another opportunity to lose a battle? we are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and maybe we fear no evil but it is still a hard road. what keeps us going?

have you ever sought answers and just found more questions? questions that make you doubt everything? we know we aren’t supposed to know it all of make sense out of our world or struggles, we know answers wont fix the pain, but we still want to understand. sometimes, we are drowning in too many questions to see the ultimate answer that we already have. we want the big picture, we want to feel like we are moving forward, or at least not moving backwards. that helpless feeling of going nowhere leads to desperation and in desperation we will run to everything and anything for a solution. when God doesn’t give us the solution we want we fill out life with sin that we think will satisfy. then later, we look back at our life and realize that the feeling of moving backward led to actually moving backward. interesting, isn’t it? the mindset of moving backwards results in moving backwards. what if we just trusted? what if we just had faith that we were moving forward and kept trying?

so what keeps me going when every day just feels like another chance at defeat? what is our ultimate answer? God loves us. He has a plan for us. He promises to guide us and walk beside us. and when life seems impossible, we are told we can do all things through Christ. 

instead of letting ourselves feel stuck, lets focus on moving forward and hope that we are making progress. now i’m not advocating for some crazy blind trust fall or insane leap of faith or an unfounded hope that you are ok even if you aren’t. if you are not pursuing Christ, there is a reason you feel like you are moving in the wrong direction. i ask that we use Gods word as a light for our path, that we keep walking the narrow road, trying to make it through the valley of the shadow of death. follow God’s commands even when it feels like you are only going in circles and being drowned with doubts. even the faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, so let that little faith you have left displace the doubts. keep walking. keep your mind on Christ. keep taking a step forward even when it feels hopeless.

Authors note: That was probably a mess. My apologies for that. My thoughts were scattered this week and it was very busy, I wanted to write though, so here you are. Thanks for sticking around! Love you!