Pride

For about a year and a half now, I’ve worked as a gymnastics coach, I love my job, I love working with the kids and watching them grow….but part of that job is a little less fun. Every evening we have to clean the gym. The bathrooms, the windows, the carpet, the floors, everything. One day I got done with my class and walk into the supply closet to grab the mop and the bucket and…I stop, confused. I look again. Then I think for a second….surely my assumptions are wrong. No coach would actually do that…..right? I look again, but sure enough, the mop bucket has almost an inch of nasty water in it, and it’s sitting inside the closet. I was shocked. No one had mopped yet that night, that meant the water had been sitting there since last night during cleaning. And all day people had been going in and out of the closet and no one had bothered to take care of it. Now I am not the neatest most organized person, my family could tell you that, but ever since I was young I’ve been taught to do things as though doing them for the Lord. Whoever had put that bucket away last must have forgotten that verse. I realized the problem, and a problem facing many Americans was a lack of pride. We don’t take ownership any more so the quality of our lives and what we produce is decreasing. To remedy this problem, I want to persuade you to have pride.

I understand that pride is generally seen as a bad thing, but there are two types of pride: An arrogant pride and healthy pride. Pride according to Marriam Webster can mean two things, first disdain, conceit, and inordinate self-esteem. That’s arrogant pride, haughtiness, the kind of pride that Proverbs warns us about. Secondly, pride can mean “reasonable or justifiable self-respect or delight arising from some act, possession, or relationship”. This is good pride. This is that feeling of achievement when you’ve done something well. Unfortunately, as we’ve preached against haughty pride we have also thrown out much of the self-respect. We need to clearly distinguish between these two terms and cultivate the last one, specifically in what we do and who we are.

Taking pride in what you do isn’t about getting approval, it is about reaching the standards you have set for yourself, and that should be the one outlined in the Bible. Colossians 3:23 says, “ Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” If we did everything as though the Lord would inspect it, I think we would do our jobs much better. My dad always stresses to my siblings and I the importance of attention to detail. When you finish vacuuming, make sure the chord is wrapped up. When you do math, make it neat. When you mop, empty the mop bucket all the way. Paying this much attention to the little things doesn’t come naturally because we often do things just to get them done. Taking pride in our work would remedy this issue.

Having pride in who we are is a very tricky subject. There is such a fine line between self-respect and arrogance, a line between pride in ourselves and pride in our sin. There are many ways in which we can take pride in who we are to the point of sin. We see this in our culture through rainbow flags and rally’s for the Equality Act. Any pride that causes us to love our sin is wrong and is not what I’m trying to encourage. What I am encouraging is that we take pride in who Christ sees us as, and we remain thankful for who we are in Him, and that we take joy in the blessings He gives us. When we look in the mirror and see our reflection as “not good enough”, when we look at our actions and achievements and say, “not good enough”, we are telling God that His creation isn’t enough. Isnt pretty enough, smart enough, fast enough, popular enough. Listen, God created you as you are for a reason and to Him you are more than enough. Show some pride in who you are and take ownership of your accomplishments.

The source of all anxiety and depression are lies that the enemy tells us. Lies like, “you could never do enough, you could never be enough, you are not enough.” And in those moments when we believe those lies we refusing to believe everything that God says about us. Ephesians 2:10 tells us, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Let’s be proud of the fact that we are His workmanship and live accordingly.

Picture perfect

I have a love/hate relationship with pictures. They capture moments and hold memories for us.....but do they always tell the truth? When we see family pictures with everyone smiling in front of a picturesque background we don't see the struggles that family may be going through. 

Take a look at some of the snapshots of my life. In each one, you see a happy, motivated, loved teenage girl. They show a senior in high school, a gymnastics coach, and a church-attending Christian who can defend her faith and give all the right answers to questions of theology. They tell a story of a twin who's close to her family and always smiling, who grew up homeschooled and can't wait to attend a Christian college.

If you look at the pictures, my life is perfect.

The reality is a little messier though. You don't actually know me, everyone only knows little parts of me. They all get snapshots. But the full mess? I don't even think I fully realize it, and I sincerely doubt I could communicate it. Besides, who would want to see it all? So even my closest friends only get snapshots. 

What you see in snapshots really isn't someone's real life, we all paint a picture that looks perfect while we hide our pain from the world. I want you to realize today that your snapshots don't have to be perfect, that you are seen and understood, and lastly I want to urge you to get the full picture of someone's life.

Here's one of my biggest problems with only showing snapshots: We think they all have to be perfect. When people only see you as being put together and composed, you become afraid of revealing anything different. So we fight to maintain that image. Once we think people see us as having all the answers then we believe we have to live up to that standard, afraid that anything else would be disappointing them. There is this fear that they won't like us or will leave us once we show them our more human side; our brokenness. Friends, I have seen so many people hurt by this lie. If you find yourself buying into this myth right now, please stop. You are human, don't be afraid to show people that. Friends bond over brokenness, not perfection. Let people in to the real story of your life, and every so often, let them see a picture that isn't perfect. Then they will love you for you, and they will feel more free to be real with you. 

People around us often only see the pictures we want to show them, that's why they only get these snapshots of our life. But God sees the whole photo album and understand every thought that goes on behind the scenes. He knows your thoughts, struggles, fears, mistakes, sins, hopes, dreams.....all of it. 

One of my favorite songs right now is by the band For King and Country and its called, "God Only Knows", here's some of my favorite lines,

"God only knows what you've been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows the real you
There's a kind of love that God only knows"

The song talks about how we keep a cover over every secret, so afraid that people would leave if we showed them, but there is Someone who sees and never leaves. This song sums up what I want to say much more eloquently then I could. God sees more then just the snapshots, more then the smiles you fake when you are struggling. He sees you for who you are, He sees everything you go through. You are not alone. You are not misunderstood, at least by God. And there is so much comfort in that. 

Feeling misunderstood and forgotten leads very quickly to depression. I know. I've been there. I have friends who are there right now. I implore you to not just believe the snapshots you see of peoples life. And I'm not just talking about Instagram or Facebook photos, I'm talking about the little glimpses of them you see. Because you may think you know people, but often times you simply haven't noticed how much more there is to them and their life. 

Go learn something new about someone. Figure out their struggles. Right now. And yes, I am speaking to you, not just someone else.

I love stories, I love hearing about people's struggles. I want to get to know people for who they are. And I am so hypocritical about this, because like I said, no one really knows me. But I collect stories, whether written or spoken, they are all a testament to the power and love of God. They show how He mends broken humans. Pictures capture moments, stories capture lifetimes. Every story makes me love God and love people more. Go look for the story beneath the picture they've showed you.

Don't make your life picture perfect and force yourself to maintain that. God knows what you're going through and your friends want to. They want to see you for you. Tell your story and go listen to stories. There will always be a theme of God's grace and redeeming love. 

Peace

How many of you are anxious?

Being stressed is the story of my life right now, I feel like I just keep being asked to handle one more thing. It almost feels like I’m in the middle of the biggest juggling act and am just trying to keep all the objects in the air. As a public speaker, you would think I would know how to handle nerves. But anxiety still gets to me constantly. Whenever I’m preparing to face people I basically just repeat Taylor Swifts lyrics in my head, “You need to calm down, you need to calm down.” People keep asking me how I don’t freak out in debate rounds, how I can appear confident, if there’s a way to calm down when you’re nervous. You know what I figured out? Being told to calm down or that there's, “nothing to worry about” really doesn’t help you. Because that’s not what matters. You will never have confidence in what's about to happen simply because someone told you to. Confidence comes from peace. I really want to share what God has put on my heart recently and the ways He has comforted me when I was struggling. I want to talk about peace, the kind of peace that quiets anxiety and provides calm in chaos.

This kind of feeling starts with having peace in who you are.

And I know that sounds so cheesy, very fakely motivational like something you see on a cat poster right? You know something like, “Believe in who you are”. But seriously, its true. If you don’t have peace in who you are you going to be stressed out. Your identity is foundational to everything else you do, and realizing that you are already safe and loved by God removes so much stress. There is a verse that I was obsessed with last year and still am today, and I would say this before I went into any of my speeches or in the middle of debate rounds. I started writing it everywhere I could because it helped me remember who I am and give me peace. Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. And this life I live now in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” This is my identity. Friends, we are His. We never have to question who we are, never have to worry about being unloved. Nothing can separate us from Him. And if this is your identity you have no reason to be anxious, nothing will ever change who you are in Him. This is peace. All your sins are washed away, your past cant be used against you, you are His masterpiece. Your identity in Him is the most important thing about you, and because it is secure you have no reason to be anxious or stressed or worried. Christ is living in you now and so you can have peace with who you are. 

Since we have been crucified with Christ, this life really isn’t ours; it’s God’s to use for His glory. If we have peace in our identity then we can have peace in our circumstances. “The life we live in the flesh we live by faith in the Son of God.” We must have faith that He has control over everything that affects us. That doesn’t mean that life is going to be easy. God isn’t an umbrella, he doesn’t stop the rain and the hardships from touching us. Rain falls on the just and the unjust. Peace doesn’t mean that our boat won’t be rocked in the storm, it does mean that He will sustain us in those moments. He will be the anchor for our soul. When we pray for, “Peace that surpasses all understanding”, this is what we pray for.

Life is hard. Life hurts. It beats us to our knees. It makes us want to escape. To cope with this pain, everyone turns to different places. We seek the things that make us happy or numb the pain or at least distract us. But the only comfort we will ever find is in God. He is the God of peace and gives us peace that we can’t even understand. This idea of having a peace that you cant understand is mind blowing for me. I’ve often wondered, why do I believe in that? Why should you believe in something you can’t understand, something other people cant see? There are solutions that we can see and people do understand, why don’t we turn to those things when our world is rocked or we are shaking with fear? Why run to God? I can’t answer that for you, I can only tell you why I do. I believe in peace greater than understanding because sorrow may last the night, but joy comes in the morning. Because my sins are forgiven. Because He blesses His people. Because He gives us more than we could ever ask or think. This is why I can believe in things I don’t understand. I know that His hope is an anchor for my soul, whether I’m anxious or upset He is there sustaining me. My life is His, I trust Him, so I can have peace in my circumstances.

Knowing who I am in Christ and that He is always in control gives me peace in my identity and circumstances. Lastly, we need to have peace with our future. Not only are our circumstances in His hands, but the result of them is His as well. The last part of Galatians 2:20 talks about Jesus’ love for us and that He gave Himself for us. If He loved us then, He will never stop loving us. He will secure for us a hope and a future, He is working all things for His good. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." This verse comes right after a long description of God's power and control over His people. When we are anxious we need to just be still and recognize that the outcome is in God’s hands. Not only that, but the outcome will involve us having a better relationship with our savior. Our struggles bring us closer, our anxiety makes us run to Him and shows us that we can’t handle it on our own.

The moral of what I want to say is this: Taylor Swift was right. You need to calm down. But where she doesn’t provide the solution, the Bible does. We can know a peace that surpasses all understanding. That comes by having peace in who we are, what we’re going through, and our future’s. I am praying that you all have this peace today. Whatever happens in your life that terrifies and shocks you, please don’t forget that you are His. 

Galatians 2:20. 

Read it. 

Live it.

Drawing A Line

As a debater, I've learned to love clarity and definitions. I've discovered the importance in making distinctions between two terms that can blurred in life or in debate rounds. For instance, this year the resolution I'm debating is that culture should value assimilation over multiculturalism. Obviously to debate this, you have to make it clear that they aren't the same thing and show where the differences are. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it seems to draw that line. Is the US assimilated? Or multicultural? If you all follow the same laws, does that make you unified? Or can you pay taxes to a government and still keep the things that make your culture unique? Complicated questions, right?

If you've stuck with me this far and are still reading, then I applaud you. Honestly, today I want to deal with an incredibly controversial and confusing topic, one that I know I don't have all the answers to. Because drawing lines that clarify what you can and can't do is necessary in life. Like, where do you draw the line between having fun and being careless? Or doing good works vs. depending on your good works for salvation? How about between managing your time and being anxious about the future? But the distinction I want to make today is one we don't think about a lot: disrespecting someone vs getting help with an issue that involves them. Specifically, getting help with family issues without dishonoring your parents.

Parents are always getting taught how to deal with a difficult child. But parents are sinners too and most children at some point in their life will be wondering how to deal with a difficult parent.

In Exodus 20:12 we are given the first command that comes with a promise, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you." To get an idea of what that looks like, pastor Don Wilton outlines a few things that are implied in honoring your parents: Value them, respect them and their experiences, model their godly behavior, protect their dignity and reputation, bring them joy, and provide for their basic needs.

Being respectful means turning to them first if you have an issue. Being respectful mean don’t gossip.
So can you stay inside of these boundaries and still talk to people about your parents?

I think the answer must be yes, and yet this topic still frustrates me because I can't determine how much one can say and to whom they can say it. The reality is that every teenager is going to struggle with their parents to some extent, in those moments of rebellion most of the time it's best to go directly to them and resolve the issue. But how about when that isn't an option? What if you have parents that don't communicate well or you need clarity that they can't provide?

I don't claim to have the right answers, but here's my thoughts.

We understand that respect has to be earned, it isn't just given. For parents, it works differently. We are told that they deserve respect whether or not we feel like they have earned it. So no matter what situation you're in, how bad it looks, or how much you feel like you shouldn't have to respect your parents, you still have to respect them. Before you ever talk about them or to them ask yourself if what you're about to say is respectful. God commands that we honor our parents. So here are some guidelines I've found regarding how to honor them even when you feel like they don't deserve it.

Pray. Before you do anything else, ask God for wisdom. A lot of the time, we just need to rant. Instead of ranting to people about what just happened or how mistreated we feel, tell it all to God. There are problems we are going to have to figure out ourselves, so sometimes turning to other people won't help. If you simply need to rant, then rant to God. He will always listen and love you.

Find someone who can help. If you're complaining to someone who cannot help you in any way, it is disrespectful and counterproductive. You need a voice of wisdom in your life who has gone through whatever you're struggling with and made it out stronger. Turning to friends who can't actually offer sound advice definitely seems like gossip.

Give the facts. To throw in a negative opinion would make the conversation disrespectful and doesn't help anything. But to get help, you do have to lay out the facts. Respecting our parents doesn't mean ignoring the truth. It means speaking the truth in love. So when we sit down with someone to explain an issue we're having that involves our parents, it's ok to address the facts, just do it lovingly.

Put in the effort. If you have gotten advice but you don’t take it and put it into action, then you aren’t actually working to restore your relationship with your parents. The way to remain respectful is to continue trying to get close to them and improve the relationship. If you’re not putting in the work, you are brushing aside all the work they’ve done for you. Once you have gotten godly advice, act on it.

Friends, respect your parents. Do not gossip about them. If you are in a seemingly hopeless situation and your relationship is only getting worse, get help.

If there are parents reading this, I want to implore you to do something. I know may seem naïve and disrespectful for a 16 year old to try to tell you how to parent, but I promise I mean no disrespect. I mean only to tell of what I see and this message would be incomplete if I don’t add this. So I implore to be a safe space for your son or daughter. Admit that you aren’t perfect and be willing to listen. Most importantly, make it clear that you love them because they want nothing more than to be loved by you. Wouldn’t it be better for them to be able to tell you things and ask you for advice instead of someone random? Don’t you want to know when your child is hurting? If you would be that safe space for them; human, imperfect, loving, it will be easy for them to respect you.

We can draw a line between being disrespectful and getting help. Personally, I believe that if you cannot approach your parents to resolve an issue or get guidance without making the problem worse, then it is not disrespectful to turn to other godly council and explain the situation if that individual can actually help you in some way. You may come to a different conclusion or have thoughts that I haven’t considered, if so, please leave a comment or contact me and let me know, I would love to discuss it with you.

Poetry

I used to not like poetry. I didn't see a point in it, it felt too fancy and seemed overly complicated. But then I read a few poems that really captivated me and now I'm addicted. There is a strange power in poetry that makes us want to listen and hear/read more. We somehow feel like we can relate to it more. This is my first attempt at writing poetry, feel free to let me know if I did it wrong. The thing is, so far I've only been able to write about me and things I feel, so this is me being very vulnerable. I haven't written a lot about myself because I want to be speaking to you and trying to spread hope. But for some reason when I try to write poetry I can only write about myself. My wish is that you can still relate to these words and find hope in them. 

***


Underwater


I’m underwater
can’t breathe
floundering in an ocean of my own tears,
swept over by waves of people that don’t care
soaked to the bone with sorrow
weighed down with anxiety.
so deep that if happiness was the sun
I wouldn’t feel the warmth of its rays.
the current of life seems to fight
my every movement.
I am falling in
slow motion,
the pressure makes me dizzy.
the surface, my hope, growing distant.
I’m underwater.

the burdens I bear pull me deeper
like a millstone around my neck.
I hear only my own heartbeat
feel my scars washed clean
maybe there is a beauty here
in the depth.
dark blue sadness,
like water
surrounding me,
making me appreciate its color.
feeling the waves wash me clean.
there is a strange peace,
knowing He holds the oceans in His hands.
He holds me in His hands.
when the current tries to move me,
He is an anchor for my soul.
never have I felt this close
to the One that created me.
He cried drops of blood for me
His love for me is more than
the drops in the ocean.
a love so deep, so wide, I am drowning in it.



***



Seen


What if the one thing I want most
is the one thing I want the least?
What if the thing I hope for
is also what I dread?

my protests are always,
“they don’t understand”
my constant complaint is
that no one knows my struggles
making my greatest wish
to be seen.
seen for who I am,
what I’ve been through,
the struggles I overcome.
there is hope that one day
I will come face to face
with someone who sees
more than just my face.
one who looks deeper,
desires to know me for me,
hears my silent screams for help
that I hide behind smiles.
I want more than anything else
to be seen.


My fears and my hopes are aligned
what I most dread is the day
when I come face to face
with someone who sees
more than just my face.
one who looks deeper and sees me for me
my weaknesses revealed
fears and lies observed and understood
will my struggles be laughed at,
my pain be brushed aside as petty,
and my personality mocked as oversensitive?
life for me has been a contest
I must always be the best
so weakness is something to hide
and pain is disregarded.
for someone to see these hidden things
would be for me to lose the image I cultivate.
more than anything else, I dread
being seen.


I wait,
remaining seen
but unseen
always wondering
always hiding
I escape to my room with my thoughts
pen and paper are my constant companions
they know me
my story is written in their lines.
my room hides me when I write and when I weep
the walls I erect and the walls of my room
serve the same purpose
they keep me from what I want the most
and from what I want the least.
between these walls my truth is unseen.
If the eyes are the windows to the soul,
what would people see if they peered inside?
if the door was opened,
to my room or my heart,
maybe I would be seen for who I am
broken. ugly. scarred. afraid.
hopeful. loved. healed. brave.


Yet people don’t peer deeper
no one sees inside.
until the day when someone sees
my soul, looks under my skin,
peers through my walls
until the day when what I want
and what I dread both occur,
I remain
unseen.



***