Trust

This year, I set a goal for myself. I guess you could call it a New Year's resolution. I decided that the theme of my year was going to be trust and I would dedicate myself to learning what trust was and how to trust. I am now 55 days into this journey and thought I would write a little bit about what trust means to me.

Life is a battle, and a perfect soldier could fight it alone and survive. But none of us are perfect. We will get wounded, cracks will appear in our armor. In order to survive we will have to surround ourselves with people who can cover for us when we are down. By fighting in a group, we can all make it through. But that requires finding people who won't stab you in the back while you're preoccupied. It requires trusting others to fight for you when you're momentarily incapable of defending yourself. When we put our trust in the right people and we fight with them and for them, we can win. In this battle of life, trust is a necessity. 

Unfortunately, there are numerous reasons that we could struggle with trust. Pride can get in our way, telling us that we don't need other people. Or fear can stop us from trusting by telling us that someone will let us down or hurt us. Pain from past hurts can prevent us from trusting. Anxiety about the unknowns of the future also stops us. All of these things are sins that worm their way into our lives and prevent us from living it with friends and family as our support. And if we let them conquer us, we will live lives of stress, anxiety, fear, and loneliness because we can't trust others to help carry our burdens. In order to give up control and take a step back, we need to trust other people.

 For the longest time, I couldn't trust others. I didn't want to. I have always been wary of people and I believed I didn't need to. As a result, I never formed friendships. I struggled alone. If anyone got too close, I would push them away. I wasn't mean, I was friendly with people, but I never let anyone truly get to know me. Then finally I was forced to ask myself why I was living that way. And I found that I didn't trust others so I kept them from getting too close to me. As I realized that, I slowly began to let people in. I began opening up and making real friends. I am still learning how to trust others, but I have discovered that people are trustworthy and that we need to trust. For the first time I’m learning what trust is because I’m seeing the damaging effects of an inability to trust. In the last few months I've been able to look at the people around me and see that they aren't struggling alone because they trust others to help them. And I've tried to trust as well. 

I've also found that trusting the right people is often a matter of trial and error. It's hard to know who to trust until you actually trust them. I mean sure, you can estimate, based on what you know and what you see, who is trustworthy, but you won't always be right. And sometimes we are let down. Or betrayed. That hurts. But sometimes we're pleasantly surprised and find freedom we never thought was possible simply because we trusted someone. 

As an introvert though, I often get annoyed (unjustly) with people. In those situations when we just can't find ourselves looking to people to trust or have been let down too many times, we can always trust God. We are told to trust Him with our lives, our decisions, and with our problems. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7 which says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Trusting God gives us peace. We simply have to let Him have our worries and our doubts, we can run to Him in prayer, and He will bring us peace. Jeremiah 17:7-8 says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.” I'm learning to run to God with my anxiety and my fears and trust Him to lead me through. 

I've touched on learning to trust people and trusting God, but there's one more aspect of trust that I also really wanted to focus on this year. One that I've mentioned in a few posts, but that gives me something to think about every time I'm around others. And that is becoming worthy of trust. I want to be a person that others can trust and open up to. Trust is something that takes a long time to build. A lot of right decisions, right moves, right words go into becoming trustworthy. But one wrong move brings it crashing down. It's said that trust takes years to build, moments to break, and forever to repair. That's why I want to put more thoughts into my actions and words. I want to consider the effects that my actions may have on others. I want to be trustworthy. 

That was just a overview of my thoughts on trust and what it is and what it means for me. I hope to go more in depth in later posts. Trust has always been hard for me. I've struggled with loneliness as a result of not trusting others, with anxiety as a result of not trusting God, and with frustration as a result of not being trustworthy. Throughout this year, my focus is to learn about trust and how to apply it more in my life. I hope something I have said so far has connected with you or given you joy in some way. Please comment or contact me somehow and let me know what you thought of this post, I want to hear from you. And as always I would love to hear a little about you and what you're going through. But most importantly, trust. Trust the people around you so that they can fight for you in this battle of life. And trust God so that you can be filled with peace. 

I'm thankful for....

Every day, we are faced with choices. One of those choices is what sort of attitude we are going to have about life. We can always choose to complain about life and bemoan what we don't have. Or we can be thankful. On a day when much of the world is looking at what they don't have, let's take a moment to be thankful for what we do have. Here is a list, though not an exhaustive one, of things I am thankful for:

God's love

Mercy that is new every morning

Patience

Caffeine

Coffee

Country music

New friends and old friends

Friends who know exactly what you need to hear

People who are chivalrous

People who teach you an unexpected lesson

People who show unexpected kindness

People who remember my name
Feeling understood

Hugs

Speech and debate
The confidence I've gained in the last few months
Real smiles
Whenever there is openness and honesty 
Books
Books that make me cry
Deep conversations
Songs that describe my life or what I'm feeling
Gymnastics
Technology
Communication
Chocolate
Sugar
Sunsets
People who comment on my blog
Ice cream
Coaching gymnastics
Good jokes
Blimey Cow
IHOP
Uplifting phone calls
Time with people I love
Being able to drive
Encouraging notes
Productive days
The opportunity to speak in front of people
You

I have a challenge for you. Today, make a list of at least ten things that you are thankful for. I promise it will make your day better, and challenge a friend to do the same. Let's take today to count our blessings and dwell on the positive things in our life.

Per Aspera....

We can't see it approaching, it doesn't strike us when we're prepared, it isn't like a storm we can watch as it nears us. But you feel it when it hits you. Difficulty is in those moments when you're on your knees telling God you know you can't make it through this without His help. It's when you're so tired you don't think you can take another step. When you're about to sob in frustration. It's when you're so overwhelmed you feel like you can't breathe.

That is difficulty.

Those are trials that we all face. In fact, life is made up of challenges that we must face, and we won't win them all. We can't predict when difficulty will strike, we don't see it approaching, but we know when we are fighting it. And every single one of us has felt difficulty effect us. In those moments when it feels impossible to keep fighting, I know that it takes everything just to keep going. But we must keep going. Because difficulty doesn't last. Yes it will strike over and over, but it never lasts for longer than we can bear it. It's hard for us to believe it when we face it though, often it seems like the trials will never end and the sun will never come out again in our lives.

There's a Latin saying, "Per aspera ad astra" which means "through difficulty, to the stars". And since I heard it, I've been thinking about it a lot. It seems like toward the end of each year I start thinking a lot about all the trials and difficulty I've gone through in the last year, and each year it's more and more. But I can look at how far I've come and how much progress I've made and be encouraged. I'm not quite to the stars, but as the difficulty builds I get closer. I love the imagery that this saying gives us. Reaching the stars isn't easy, but it is definitely worth it.

There's another quote that also caught my attention lately, "An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward, so when life is dragging you back with difficulties it means that it is going to launch you into something great. So just focus and aiming.” The only way to get to the target is by being drawn backward, and then life will launch us toward our goal. All we must do is keep aiming. We cannot move forward, we cannot make progress and become better without first facing trials that drag us backward.

You've probably heard the saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". And it's true. As much as difficulties seem like stumbling blocks, they really are there to help us. Life is hard. No one ever said it was going to be easy. It throws difficulties at us and it often feels like we are moving backward rather than making progress. But by understanding how difficulty strengthens us we can have the courage to persevere. View your difficulties as a positive thing. Take a moment when they hit you to appreciate how much stronger you'll be. Then persevere through them. Focus and keep aiming for the stars.

Arguing

Something needed to be done. The current way of thinking needed to be changed. And Martin Luther was the only one who would stand up and argue against the popular stance. He wrote his 95 thesis and nailed them to the doors of a church in Germany, defying one of the greatest powers in Europe, the Catholic church. Soon after, he was excommunicated and called to stand trial for his beliefs. In a hall filled with people, Luther was presented with a pile of books and asked if they were his and if he would recant. Having made his arguments clear in his writings Luther said that if anyone could point out an error in his arguments then he would recant. Because of Luther’s arguments and willingness to defend what he believed, our world has been significantly impacted. Today, people seem to be afraid to argue. In order to stand for your beliefs and not be swayed by opposing views, people must learn to argue respectfully and logically. The true concept of arguing is an art that I fear is becoming lost, we need to be able to defend our beliefs and challenge illogical positions.

However, many people believe that arguments damage relationships so they avoid them. While it is true that taking a disagreement too far can end a relationship, there is very little chance that an actual argument could do so. Hans Bluedorn helps clarify this by outlining four different types of conversations: A discussion, a disagreement, an argument, and a fight. A discussion has no conflict, a disagreement points out a difference and moves on, but in an argument both sides bring up reasoning and evidence to support their stance. As long as they remain civil and respectful of each other than no harm is done. What gives the word “argument” a bad name is when it turns into the fourth type of conversation: a fight. A fight will most likely ruin relationships, and unfortunately this is what most people think of when they discuss arguing. By persuading you to argue, I’m asking that we go past a simple disagreement, but that we don’t reach a fight.

When we argue we can find the best solution to our problems. This is exactly what happened during the constitutional convention, where the founding fathers argued for three full months and reached the best conclusion possible. Perhaps it would have done faster if they hadn’t argued, but the outcome probably wouldn’t have been the best.
Often we keep our conversations at either a discussion or a disagreement, but we’re afraid to go to an argument because it may look disrespectful and mean. The reality is that arguing shouldn’t be either of those things. The foundation of a good argument is respect, for the person and for their position. By keeping an argument respectful you will be able to argue persuasively, but never turn it into a fight. Think back to Martin Luther. He had presented his arguments clearly and logically in his writings. He then stood before those asking him to recant and defended himself respectfully. Another example of respectful argumentation can be found by looking at the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. Again and again, Jesus was challenged on positions and beliefs, and every time he responded respectfully and persuasively. He didn’t back down from arguing, He never gave in on a position, He held His beliefs and yet built His arguments on the foundation of respect. 

Unfortunately, we are in the midst of a generation who cannot argue. Sure, they battle it out on Twitter. They can post opinions on Facebook. They rally, dispute, protest, complain, and fight. But the foundation of respect is sorely lacking, so we get nowhere. A real argument with support, logic, and reasoning is a rare thing to find in our society. By going back to the foundation of respect we can cultivate a true ability to argue in ourselves and others. Once we do that, the formula for arguing well is simple, let’s examine it.

The first step to arguing well is to state your point. Make your position on an issue clear. If you’re challenging someone else’s point of view, then clarify the difference between their stance and yours. Making it very clear what you’re arguing for eliminates confusion.

Secondly, state your reasons. Logically support your stance on a position and prove it using whatever evidence you can. If you’re going to make a claim, you’re going to have to support it, and we should always be prepared to do that. 1^st Peter 3:15 even commands us to be ready to support our position by saying, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” We should already have our reasons for what we believe so that when an argument comes we can list them persuasively and respectfully.

Lastly, stay logical. This should be easy if you have your reasons already prepared, but in order to have a good argument you must argue logically. That means attack the problem not the person, argue against the best version of the other argument, not the worst, and keep an open mind about the other side of the issue.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of argumentation, and please don’t be afraid to use it. We must stand up for what we believe, we must respectfully challenge unity centered on destruction, and we must not hesitate to go beyond a simple disagreement. Surrounded by a world of misunderstandings and petty fights, we must be the ones who can argue as Jesus did and as Luther did; respectfully but never backing down.