When I was 9 years old, I fell in love with gymnastics. Everything in my life started to become oriented around the gym, every day that I wasn't at practice I was looking forward to it and on the rapidly increasing days that I did have practice, everything in that day was focused on it. I would turn down anything that interfered with my obsession and honestly I was a pain to deal with if I was even 10 minutes late. As I became older, my world became bigger and my struggles more real, so the gym became even more important. It was where everything made sense, my reward for making it through another day, my only social circle, my source of serotonin and peace. With very little in life to live for, gymnastics was my motivation to keep going.
I explained all of this to a friend one day at a coffee shop a few years later and he nodded and turned to another friend and said "so what's your 'gymnastics'?".
It's an interesting question, definitely one worth thinking on. What is it that gets you up in the morning? When you're having a really hard day, what do you look forward to? What is it that you always make time for and can't stop talking about?
At 15, I was coming to terms with the fact that I was going to have to let go of gymnastics, I wasn't going to have time for it soon and holding on wasn't going to do me any good. But it had been a central part of everything I did for so long, would I be able to deal with the hole that it left? To be honest, I was rather apprehensive. As an introvert with no social life and a long struggle with depression who dislikes change, I was not excited to let go of what I had allowed to become the center of my world for so long. But 15 year old me also saw it as an opportunity to center my life more around God, to grow in His peace and my trust of His plan for my life. So gymnastics ended and I dedicated myself to knowing and serving God better.
I started college only a month later. I loved it. I've always been driven and academic so this played to my passions well. In no time, I was taking a full credit load while doing high school, public speaking, and working. I was constantly busy and almost always doing school. I kept up that frenzied pace for a really long time, I did school on Sunday's, holidays, vacations, my birthday, anytime and anywhere I could and I skipped out on any social gathering (even prom) so that I could get more done. Suddenly, school ended and I had summer completely free, the first summer without school that I could ever remember. Now I had time for people, having fun, and miscellaneous things I had said "no" to for so long.
Which was ironic because summer of 2020 contained none of that. Everything locked down. Instead, I had a whole lot of time on my hands that I couldn't do very much with. It was almost as though God had removed all my distractions so that I could dedicate my time to Him and for the first time in my life I actually studied Christianity and deepened my knowledge of my faith. Most days that summer, serving God and knowing Him better was why I got up in the morning. I centered my time around Him and sought His will for my life. As the world was falling apart, God built me up in Him. But life moves on...
Fall saw me jumping back into everything I was passionate about. I dove into work and school, immersing myself in a new environment and filling up every moment of time I had with chasing my dreams. I was consumed with busyness, always focused on the next thing. Mainly, I was driven toward my degree, it was like I was 17 again, giving "I have to do school" as an excuse for everything. I was fairly single minded in my pursuit of what I saw as "success", and in spring, I caught it. I finished my degree and ended my time at two of my jobs.
Once again, I don't have a "gymnastics". No concrete, worldly reason to get out of bed, nothing material to center my world around. Just like in the summer of 2020, God has removed the distractions and reminded me that He is my reason. He should always be the only reason. But it's so easy to chase other things, to lose focus of what actually motivates us. I grew up in church and was saved at 13, so I knew what my motivation should be, I did consistently go to church and take time to pray, I have grown in my faith and followed what I believe to be His call on my life. But I often found myself chasing the call, not the God who called me.
C.S Lewis writes that "Thoughts undertaken for God's sake are continued as if they were an end in themselves and then as if our pleasures in thinking were the end. Thus all day long and all the days of our life we are sliding, slipping, falling away". I've found this undeniably true in my life. If I don't fight to reclaim my thoughts for Christ, then what started as an endeavor to please Him becomes an idol to please myself. None of us would really call ourselves an idolater, but if we're honest then we have all found our world off axis at some point because we ceased to be centered around God. Christianity, then, isn't just about doing the Lord's will, it's doing it with our eyes constantly trained on Him. All other hopes, anchors, and pursuits are fleeting.
My reason for getting another degree isn't just to serve Him with it, it's to serve Him with every moment of that journey and become more dependent on His grace while stewarding what He has given me. I cannot simply work so that I can tithe and not be indebted to others, work must be an act of worship. The means must never become the end. Don't lose focus getting caught up in whatever is "gymnastics" for you. Ask yourself and answer honestly why you spend time doing what you do. Listen to what you talk about, what would your friends say you're obsessed with? When you get up in the morning, why do you do it? When you walk into work, are you more grateful that God provided you with a job and opportunities to love others, or more excited that you get to walk out in a few hours?
When we fall in love with a sport, a degree, an achievement, a family, a person, or any material reason for moving forward, it's very easy for our world to crumble. The war to only be consumed with God's purpose is one that doesn't end on this side of eternity. But it is possible to fight it. And you should not wait until your world crumbles, do not wait until lockdown hits or you can catch your breath or you win your next big award only to realize that it is dust. When you look around and see a hole that used to be filled by a dream, then you've chased your dream too far and lost sight of God's desire for you. Don't wait until you're in a coffee shop and someone asks you "what's your gymnastics?". Because too soon, you'll have to let go. The pattern repeated itself too many times in my life, I saw what God put in front of me, ran after it, and lost sight of God. Again, and again. Your story is probably the same, just with different dreams. Start today and break the pattern. If you are in public speaking, don't do it for the trophy. If you're in school, don't do it for the degree. If you are seeking a relationship, don't do it for the pleasure. If you're a mom, don't do it just for your child or your husband or your own happiness. Do all things for the Lord.
Find your reason in Christ alone. Be satisfied in God. pursue what He has for you but do it with your eyes on Him. He is your prize. He is the center, the beginning, the end of all things. Let Him be why you wake up in the morning.
