The Storm

Thunder rumbles in a dark grey sky
Ground shakes on a cold brisk night
Wind ripples her hair as into the distances she stares
A storm on its way to change her life
The fear she feels isn’t rare
She has stood here hundreds of times her lungs working too hard for air
Tears beat the raindrops in the race to hit the earth
the struggle for peace is her burden because of sin’s curse
From the earth she came to the earth she will return
Between those times is a world of hurt
She takes another shaken breath
turns her mind to all the things that have happened to her
Memories stirred up like carried away leaves
faster and faster the troubled winds blow the debris
if only she could have a break from her past’s gravity
a moment out of the wind, a chance to breathe
Eyes drop to her feet planted in the dirt
Whole being longing to join it but to death she can’t revert.
Her past puts her emotions in a constant whirl
The rain that now pours down in sheets used to watch her dance in the streets
Now time has gone and she saw hope flee
the girl that had great dreams now can never sleep
Her heart aches with each new beat
Soul searching for a place to be planted but there are too many weeds
Thoughts and thunder grow louder- lightning strikes and she feels the heat
A system of worry, fear, anger- her mind is clouded from longing for relief
all she knows is a lack of peace, a constant dread that her mistakes won’t leave

No one else would choose to stand in a hurricane but this girl has no escape
so she faces the storm and waits for it to break
The storm will break or she will- either one would hurt
But in breaking each time she finds more of what her life is worth
by surviving a tsunami of emotions and pain she begins to find relief
living through these storms provides a rest she at first couldn’t believe
with each rainfall she has become a little more clean
the past slowly loosens its grip and she becomes a little more free
overcoming the trauma in her story took facing it and seeing victory
each storm on its way to change her life
shook her and scared her but began to create strength of a different type
healing is found by confronting her triggers and walking through them each time
troubled eyes full of tears can finally see hope through this fear

Thunder rumbles in a dark grey sky
another storm coming to shape her life
All she could do was remember the other storms she had been inside
and trust that someone would see her walk out the other side. 

Transform

When the merchant found a pearl of great value, he sold everything he had and bought it.
When a little leaven is put in measures of flour, all of it becomes leavened.
A lady touched His cloak, a soldier made a bold statement, a tax collector got convicted- Jesus changed their lives and redeemed their situation powerfully.
When God's people marched around Jericho, the walls fell.
When Pharaoh held the Israelites captive 10 plagues struck his people.
Lazarus was dead and buried, a widow didn't have enough oil, 5,000 were without food- and God moved in a big way.

Our God is a God of transformation. 

The lives that He touches, He changes. The people that choose to follow Him become radically different than the rest of the world. When His love impacts a sinners heart it literally goes from dead to alive and the fruits of the sinners life change from hate to love, selfishness to generosity, pride to humility, immorality to holiness, and desperation to hope. This is radical transformation. This is what I want in my life. 

Every year, the week before New Year's I start thinking about what I want the next year to look like. And I know, New Year's resolutions are notorious for failing and/or backfiring, so I generally don't create them. But I do choose one word that I want to focus on for the next 365 days. The first year it was hope, then trust, then love, and now I've chosen "Transform". I want to live every moment this year becoming more and more like Christ, I want my heart to break for what breaks His and I want to be pressed and molded and shaped into the jar of clay He wants me to be. In many ways, I've already seen this prayer answered. 

Moving to a new state, living with a new family, attending a new church, working new jobs, and making new friends contains a lot of opportunities for transformation. I've seen these outward changes cause at least small shifts in my outlook on and attitude in life. The challenges this year has offered have pushed me to grow in new ways that I am so thankful for. But the year is still young and I have a lot more areas I know I need to change in. There are three specific one's I've been made aware of recently and I'm writing this hoping that you can be encouraged and maybe challenged by how God's power transforms lives. 

1. Gratitude 
As much as the media and news stories tell us differently- right now is a really great time to be alive. Look around! We can travel across the country or across the world very quickly and safely whenever we wish. We are never without a variety of food. We can communicate with anyone at anytime. The church is not persecuted in most of the world, we worship in various churches, and we can easily access books filled with wisdom from other people. The world we live in actually gives us a lot to be thankful for. And I don't know your situation, but personally this is something I've noticed a struggle with. Things like grades, pressure, anxiety, busyness, or drama cloud my vision and if you asked me what I was grateful for the answers would come hesitantly. I'm not trying to make our struggles (or your struggles) less legitimate- life is hard and has a lot of trials, but I am realizing that we don't count our blessings enough. And not only materialistic blessings, but spiritual ones as well. How often do we actually thank God for raising us from the dead? Or bringing our walls down? Or thank Jesus for dying on a cross for us? Luke 17 tells the story of 10 lepers that Jesus passed and commanded to go to a priest to be healed. All 10 diseased people were healed. How many gave thanks? One. I want to be that one. I don't just want the outward transformation, I want to be transformed like the one leper was. Volumes have been written on the importance of gratitude so I'll leave it at this: I pray that the Lord would help me be more grateful and hope you'll join me in returning to God to give thanks often.

2. Humility
C.S. Lewis says that "humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less". 1 Corinthians 13 says that love is not boastful or arrogant. Jonathan Edwards says "Nothing sets a Christian so much out of the devil's reach then humility". If I think about my life honestly, there is a lot of pride. I find myself cherishing or dwelling on the idea of my own importance, in conversations I talk a lot about me and try to drop hints at all the things I've accomplished, and my everyday actions prove that my first priority is often my own comfort and convenience. Pride leads to anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, shallow friendships, and it's gravity prompted satan's fall. Friends, if you know me and witness the pride in my life- call me out. Humility fights to serve other's, humility looks like what Jesus did, and that's what I want my life to look like, so enough about me. 

3. Counting the cost
Sometimes, it looks like Jesus asks us to give up a lot- too much. Anything that does not glorify Him or sanctify us is a weight that must be thrown off. Every impure thought, sketchy movie, addictive pastime, harsh word, laziness, or favorite sin must be fought vehemently. I recently read the following 
definition of sin "Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself" -Susanna Wesley (Mother of John Wesley). Reading this, I realized how much sin I was tolerating in my life simply because it didn't fit a popular image of "sin". And even in the big battles I knew I needed to fight I wasn't really willing to sacrifice the things I wanted. For Jesus, we must give up a lot, there is no doubt. But is it worth it? Yes. No doubt. The things we must throw off are lesser pleasures of the flesh and are nothing compared to the riches of knowing Christ more. I've found myself not willing to truly flee from sin because it was too high a price, not worth the cost. This year, I want to accurately count the cost of following Jesus and genuinely say that I am His at any cost. Sin I've chosen to cling to, pleasures I flee to, people I take refuge in, escapes I find freedom in- all of it is a cost but it's a small price to pay for the salvation I've received, the joy of sanctification, and the hope of glorification. 

My God is a God of transformation and my desire is to see Him transform my life through the new opportunities and people He's given me so that His grace fills me and is evident in my life. These three areas are starting points to focus on and I ask that you join me in considering how Jesus is asking you to change for Him today. We are His workmanship, let Him transform your life to reflect that more each day. 

Splash- A poem

Splash. The rock hit the pond the quiet peace of the lake shattered.
My rock sank to the bottom- gone
irretrievable, heavy, cold- gone
I didn’t turn to grab another one
I stood watching the ripples
seeing them spread before their disturbance was done
and I couldn’t help but wonder-
what if that’s how this war is won?
What if the splash my death makes
Startles someone else awake?
Like a rubber band that snaps and snaps your hand
maybe my death could be someone’s wake up call
snapping them out of their dependence on self
Pushing them to give Christ their all.

Maybe that’s where the thoughts should have stopped
But it's not.
is it too dangerous to even think about these thoughts?
Impacting lives through action on a word that’s forbidden
Swapping my breath for a legacy, my footsteps for echoes
The thoughts continue on honestly and unfiltered

What if my pain starts a conversation
plants a seed and leads to a salvation?
What if the impact of my action changed a life that changed the nation?
Why is it so easy to write so many lines about darkness and hurt
And draw a blank when writing about taking another breath?
These words are my artwork- the talent God’s gifted me with
But all I can paint are landscapes of sorrow
using words that show my lack of care for tomorrow
This life is a masterpiece- the treasure God has blessed me with
But oh how lightly I often take His gift

Slap, slap, slap. The band clicks on repeat on my wrist.
click, click, click, thoughts spin in my head
like a train running on a track
my thoughts run faster and faster- no going back
maybe I’m blowing off steam but hear me out
I’m tired of doing hard things,
I don’t want to be a success story.
Maybe I can be one of those tragic ones
and make people want to not be like me.

To the joy of living I’ve become so numb
what happened to life abundantly?
Peace beyond understanding?
where is the hope that is always unwavering?
Their reality in my mind is fast disappearing

What this life offers is not worth the effort to live
But God doesn’t offer what this world contains
Him giving Jesus was the best gift I could receive
And it’s His promise of joy that I’ll choose to beleive
My contempt for His gift mocks His choice to forgive
This life was bought with blood, it belongs to Him

Adopting thoughts of death is throwing away the thought of my adoption
My life, my every breath, isn’t mine
do I ignore the Creator whose command to put me here was divine?
this mountain in front of me was the hill He created for me to climb
Will I ignore the voice of the Savior that climbed calvary?
He ran the race for the joy of eternity
He won the war so I can fight with certainty
Jesus didn’t take His life, He laid it down
laying down my life today means choosing to climb out
It means letting my salvation in Jesus drown out the doubt
Joy comes in the morning
Life in Him can be lived abundantly
Peace through prayer comes without understanding
Hope in Christ leaves the Christian unwavering
Under the weight of these thoughts my hope is again appearing
Making life in Christ look all the more appealing

Living on can give me a chance to speak these thoughts aloud
to be a breath not a legacy, a footstep not an echo
To impact not just one life but a whole crowd
If your voice feels muted today then I have a reason to shout
You are more than a stone sinking down
You are strong enough to keep fighting despite your doubt
Your next breath makes your story a success
This is your wakeup call- you can make a difference alive
Tear off the shackles and in Christ’s joy abide
Life in God is worth the effort to live
Your existence here is a gift
By a Creator who loves you, you were given time
Don’t throw away the masterpiece painted by the divine

Maybe this is why I was given words that paint sorrow
To remind you that there is always hope for tomorrow
With my time I will choose to start the conversation
Paint the landscape of pain to give depression an explanation
And when I run out of words about wanting to live
I will write books about why you should take your next breath
Your life and mine was bought with our Savior’s death
In His sacrifice we find our wake up call
So use the life He’s given you to give Jesus your all.