Hi guys! I wanted to share my testimony with you this week. Quick disclaimer: my testimony is not my full story, there's a lot more that goes into it that I don't share. However, I would love for y'all to know the basics of how Jesus saved me. So this is my testimony.
I grew up being homeschooled in a Christian home, I understood the Gospel as a kid and I repented and “prayed the prayer” multiple times. I knew my sin was wrong and I knew I wanted to belong to God, I would pray occasionally and called myself a Christian, but unfortunately, just knowing those things never really changed my heart. It wasn’t until I was 13 when I was reading a Christian book for school that I realized the full impact that knowing Christ should have on me. The book was pointing out characteristics of a Christian and when I compared these things to my sinful life I saw that it didn’t match up: I wasn’t seeking Christ. That day in January, 2016, I repented of the sin that separates me from God, put my hope in the saving work of the cross, committed to praying regularly, and devoted myself to reading God’s word and knowing Him better.
But even after that, I still battled a lot of doubt. Every so often I would be consumed with this fear that maybe I wasn’t actually saved, that if I was really a Christian my life would look much different than it did. The thought that I couldn’t be a Christian and still struggle with the things I struggled with hit me hard. I had slipped into depression and it was the kind of darkness that made me wonder if there was light or if there is hope. I started becoming addicted to various means of escape that made my salvation a constant question for me. Life became a battle I didn’t want to fight anymore. I didn’t know why I was here I just knew I wanted it to end.
I knew Who God was, I could give you all the right answers, and on the good days I had no doubt that I was saved, but hurt and darkness would seem overwhelming sometimes and I would turn to other places to deal with them.
During much of this time I was never open with people, I didn’t have close friends, never trusted anyone, and I concealed everything I was going through. That began to change in 2018 when I met people who started to show me how God works through our trials, my eyes were opened more and more to what it meant to hope in God and I started to grow close to other believers who helped strengthen my faith and fight beside me through my battles. In 2019 I was blessed with some great opportunities to see Christ work in me and in others and then I heard a sermon in December of last year that made me realize how simple Christianity is: I am a sinner, I could never repay the debt my sin demanded of me, I was completely dead, but in His great mercy, God chose me, loved me, and gave me hope by sending Jesus to die on a cross for me so that if I only believe I am justified and will one day stand face to face with my Father as every tear is wiped away. I haven’t doubted my salvation since then.
I know Who’s I am.
My favorite verse for the last few years has been Galatians 2:20 which says, “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me and this life I live now in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me”. I wrote that verse everywhere, on sticky notes, notebooks, journals, anywhere I could because it was a constant reminder that I was saved. Yeah I still struggled with sin but He still loved me. I am not ashamed and I don’t have to be because my sins were nailed to that wooden beam where my Savior died. I am alive because of Christ. I am here because of Christ. And as I meditated on it I realized a few things, most importantly that this life isn’t mine. It’s not mine to take, to give, to waste, to use. I was crucified with Christ. He lives and I live by faith in Him. And recently, I’ve come to realize that it also means I also need to be baptized. Not because baptism plays a part in my salvation but because it’s a symbol to the world that I belong to God, I was chosen as His child.
My journey isn’t over and I don’t know what God has planned for me, but I know that by His strength I can do what Paul commands in Hebrews 12 when he writes, “Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” I will run my race knowing that the battle against darkness was won when Jesus said, “it is finished” and gave the hope of salvation to all who would call on His name.
So here I am, a sinner saved by grace, chosen and loved, willing to give my every moment to the God who will wipe away every tear from our eyes.
