The puzzle of salvation

Top left corner: a quick rejection of an opinion. Brushed off like it was insignificant, so she felt insignificant.

Top right corner: a harsh word. It felt unfair, she didn’t think she deserved it but she must have since it was said so firmly.

Bottom left corner: a disinterest. No questions were asked about her. No one showed care for her thoughts, words, desires, or dreams. 

Bottom right corner: an uninterrupted stream of criticism. She can’t do anything right, or if she can, she is never told so. Nothing big is ever said about anything big, it’s the little things that slowly wear away at her soul.

And so the pieces of her life fall into place. Lines stretch across the top and bottom, connecting rejection and harsh words, disinterest and criticism. Ignored and unloved comprise the lines on the sides. Slowly, the edges of the puzzle come together. She is in the middle. Trapped by the way she was framed in, desperately trying to put the pieces together to create a more hopeful picture but it’s all so fragile she feels hopeless. Hopelessness begins to color the pieces around her, tainting them a deep shade of blue fading into black. Another fight, another piece falls into place. Another tense day, another piece falls into place. Another lost dream, and, even though she feels a hole, the reality is that a hole in the puzzle is being filled. Words like “unwanted, worthless, hurt, broken” surround her. Lie by lie the puzzle comes together, so tightly knit that truth can hardly fit between the cracks. The corners, the edges, the dark pieces, it comes together over the years. Yet as the picture of pain becomes complete, the girl's heart remains a missing piece. It doesn’t belong to this landscape of hurt. Her heart is priceless. It is kept until the day when she looks beyond the circumstances that frame her and sees a Savior. On that day, a heart of gold, filled with the light of the Spirit, will be placed in the center of the puzzle, transforming the delicate picture in a glorious image. 

To the Senior Class of 2020

It happened in one moment, but it took 12 years. They graduated high school that day. A short walk across the stage, quick smile for the camera, and the diploma became theirs. There were laughs and tears, friends and relatives, there had been months of planning and a plethora of invitations sent out. But on that day, it was over. They got that moment of pride and satisfaction, that speech that challenged them to make a difference, those hugs from loved ones that wished them well. They graduated high school with a bang.

Class of 2020, you have also worked hard for 12 years, but you may never get that moment. Last year, as juniors, you watched the senior group take a bow and toss their caps in the air, dreaming of the day when you might do the same. Now, so many of us are faced with the reality that those dreams won’t come true. There has never been a perfect graduation, but at least others get a graduation. Yeah, it feels like we are missing out due to unprecedented times. This senior class, however, might actually have something better: an opportunity. In a world full of fear, we can be the hope. In an unprecedented time we can blaze a trail forward.

Seniors, I cannot tell you anything you haven’t already heard, but I can remind you of it. You are amazing. You are strong. And with or without a graduation to prove it, you are loved. You don’t get a specific celebration, so make life your celebration. Live each day remembering your accomplishments and looking forward to the new ones. Our world is in desperate need of strong leaders. It is up to us to make a powerful change, to bring the light of Christ to bear on darkness. I challenge you to make an impact. You wont leave high school with the traditional bang, but you can make one wherever you land. Maybe they don’t know our names today, but we, class of 2020, will not be forgotten.

Therefore, I will hope in Him

Sometimes it's hard to remember that real people in real situations wrote the Bible. They were all inspired by God and every word is from Him, but they were penned by sinners who struggle, hurt, face difficult times just like we do. When I read Lamentations 3 it wasn't hard to remember that. I related with the words of Jeremiah so much that it was easy to picture what he was feeling. Jerusalem was in ruins, the people were suffering, and hope probably didn't seem realistic. I love this chapter but it's long so I pulled a few of the paragraphs to comment on.

Jeremiah 3:1-9
"I am the man who has seen affliction

under the rod of his wrath; 

he has driven and brought me

into darkness without any light;
surely against me he turns his hand
again and again the whole day long.

He has made my flesh and my skin waste away;

he has broken my bones;

he has besieged and enveloped me

with bitterness and tribulation;

he has made me dwell in darkness

like the dead of long ago.

He has walled me about so that I cannot escape;

he has made my chains heavy;

though I call and cry for help,

he shuts out my prayer;
he has blocked my ways with blocks of stones;
he has made my paths crooked."

We are all walled in right now. As plans cancel, our escape routes are cut off and we're stuck. The anxiety that comes with that is a heavy chain. We've been praying since January. At least, I have. Prayers for help, prayers for healing, prayers for hope. Prayers said over and over until I forgot why I was doing it or Who I was talking to. Prayers repeated until I forgot what talking to God was really like. Every time I would ask someone a tough question I would get told to pray about it. And I did until it got to the point where I was frustrated when people told me to pray, I wanted to scream that prayer wasn't helping, God wasn't listening, every word was being shut out and thrown back at me while all my plans were blocked with stones. Jeremiah said it for me.

3:16-18
"He has made my teeth grind on gravel,
and made me cower in ashes;
my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the Lord.”

The fear makes us cower, not outwardly but nonetheless we feel it, it robs us of our peace. There is so much tragedy and pain both surrounding us and in our own lives that happiness can seem far. Have you forgotten what it is? I have memories, I remember, but it feels pretty distant right now. And persevering to it takes endurance that I don't think I have right now. At one point I know we have all been able to say that our hope has perished from the Lord. In times of trial, hope is hard to hold onto. That's why Jeremiah's next words are pretty shocking.

3:19-26
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth."

This is faith. Despite how hopeless things seem, how much suffering he sees, how afflicted he feels, Jeremiah knows and can honestly say that the love of the Lord never ceases. He doesn't see how his situation is mercy, but He knows that God's mercies are new every morning. The same person who is bereft of peace and forgot what happiness is also believes that God is and will continue to be good to him. What a powerful image of hope in suffering. What an amazing display of trust despite fear.

3:37-41
"Who has spoken and it came to pass,
unless the Lord has commanded it?
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that good and bad come?

Why should a living man complain,
a man, about the punishment of his sins?

Let us test and examine our ways,
and return to the Lord!
Let us lift up our hearts and hands
to God in heaven."

Whatever comes to pass, it comes from the command of God. He is the chessmaster, the weaver, the stage manager, the painter, all of the analogies mean the same thing: He sees the whole picture and controls everything. So let's lift up our hands and praise Him for that. Let's examine our ways and return to the Lord. In broken prayers, worn out prayers, painful prayers, desperate prayers, let's return to Him.

3:55-60
“I called on your name, O Lord,
from the depths of the pit;
you heard my plea, ‘Do not close
your ear to my cry for help!’
You came near when I called on you;
you said, ‘Do not fear!’

“You have taken up my cause, O Lord;
you have redeemed my life.
You have seen the wrong done to me, O Lord;
judge my cause.
You have seen all their vengeance,
all their plots against me."

Where can we go to escape the presence of God? Whether we are in the midst of the fiercest storm, cast away from all of society, plunged in the center of a raging sea, or stuck in the depths of a pit, God is there. He hears. When we cry out He comes near and tells us not to fear. He isn't a silent observer, He is an active comforter. Do not fear. He has taken up our cause and will never stop fighting for us. Our life has been redeemed. This is the truth we must never let go of. Our life is His and He won't ever let anyone snatch us from His hand. God's love is steadfast, His mercies are new every morning, He is here in the midst of our struggles. That doesn't make life easy. Jeremiah still suffered and he watched his people suffer. He knew what tragedy and loss and fear are. And he isn't afraid to voice those emotions to God. His words connect with us, they feel so real because we sympathize with his hurt.
Things look dark. People are afraid. Hope feels distant. But God is faithful and His love is steadfast, therefore, I will hope in Him.

Losing a dream

A while ago, I wrote about a dream of mine that I achieved and one that has kind of become my life goal. But the desires of our heart are many and along the way we plan new things and aim for new achievements. We never stop dreaming. Sometimes we get there, sometimes we give up, sometimes we simply have to let go. I had to let go. I lost a dream. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Right now, dreams seem to be dying all around us: graduations canceled, weddings postponed, camps rescheduled, trips take a rain check and are proms delayed. The things we pray about and long for don't always happen. God always answers our prayers, but sometimes that answer is "No". There are a lot of "No's" right now. So what do we do when dreams die?

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." -Colossians 3:3

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:14

Don't stand still, keep moving but refocus. Proverbs says that the Lord will direct our steps, but in order for that to be true, we have to keep walking. Through trials, through valley's, through the ashes of the dead dreams, through the mistakes and the losses, we walk forward in faith setting our mind on Christ and His plans for us. John Waller in his song "Faith Is Living" writes, "I wish I could see just three steps in front of me, but the lamp unto my feet, it only moves when I take a step." We are being guided toward a future that is hopeful, we only have to keep taking steps forward. Sometimes that means losing a dream.

Now don't get me wrong, the Lord delights to give us the desires of our heart. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him and He loves to see us rejoicing in blessings. That doesn't mean we always get the things we want but it does mean we will always get the things we need. This dream I had was something I thought I needed and definitely something I desperately wanted. When I got a no I had to realize that it wasn't what I needed. I regret losing that dream, it hurts and it's hard. My plans and hopes were set on it and when that dream died I felt like my world would fall apart. But when we think our world is falling apart we have to realize that it's actually falling into place. It will all make sense in time. So, in Christ, we must move on. Make plans according to what you believe God wants and then dream of things that you can do that will glorify Him and bring you joy. In the song "He's Always been Faithful" by Sara Groves we get the following truth, “I can’t remember a trial or a pain he did not recycle to bring me gain. I can’t remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting his hand. All I have need of his hand will provide. He’s always been faithful to me” God will be faithful and bring His promises to pass.

If you've lost a dream recently, you're not alone. Being told "no" hurts and it doesn't often make sense. But let's continue to walk forward in faith. Keep dreaming, keep trusting, keep praying. And one day it will all fall into place.