A Paradox

Why is it that we never feel like we have enough time? And yet time seems to crawl by.

How is it that we are always aimed at the future? And yet we can't let go of the past.

Why are we always in a rush but never seem to get anything done?

How are we supposed to keep moving forward and yet pause and remember each moment?

With time comes wisdom, so why is it that the older we get the more we want our childhood back?

I think time, and the way it passes us by, is a paradox. It's impossible to catch a hold of, and yet there are moments that seem to freeze and stand still for you. Albert Einstein said that life is like riding a bike, you must keep moving to stay balanced. He's right, the second we stop planning or hoping or looking for the future is the moment that we lose our balance. And yet, we aren't supposed to take the present for granted, we need to pause and reflect on what we currently have, we need to slow down and breathe. There are those moments when you want time to freeze because everything seems perfect. So we must always keep moving forward, but we must stop and enjoy moments. We get excited about events in the future but once we're in them we don't appreciate them because we're already planning the next the thing, always looking forward to what happens next because that's how we stay balanced. It's a paradox. Maybe that's why time is so confusing for us. Our minds cannot comprehend the way it works. Managing it is such a complicated mystery. That's why we are so fascinated by the idea of eternity and what it would be like to enjoy it. Just trying to think about existing forever is confusing and wonderful. The way we view time and the future and the moments in front of us has contradictory qualities and is amazing to think about. Even just the way we grow up and look back on our life can be confusing. With time comes wisdom, and the older we grow the more we wish we could have our childhood back. There really is no right answer on how to view time or a solution to understanding it. 

All we can do is be thankful for each moment that we get and continue to be hopeful for what God has in store for us.

Relationships

Relationships, friendships, status, logistics, labels, feelings, emotions......all of it seems impossible to figure out. At least to me. But I'm sure I'm not alone, because all of these things become a confusing mess when we apply them to people, especially groups of people. And then life becomes quite a maze through which you have to navigate carefully so as not to step on people's toes or imply something or outright offend anyone. It's way too complicated. Yet, we all find ourselves at some point navigating this maze, so what do we do? Well, I have no idea. I'm just as confused as anyone. So I really can't offer much advice when it comes to dealing with people. Those of you who thought you might get something useful from this, y'all can just stop reading right here. Because when it comes to relationships and friendships and establishing different types of connections with people, I have no idea what I'm doing. But if you're just looking for some random thoughts or want to watch me try to figure this out, stick around. 

Like any good discussion, we must start this conversation with definitions. The world has twisted what our ideas of friendship and relationships should look like and the definitions don't really help. Marriam Webster defines friend as "One attached to another by affection or esteem" or "One that is not hostile" and Oxford dictionary defines it as "A person with whom one has a mutual bond of affection" or "One who is not an enemy".  

Friends are people you are friendly with, which doesn't really narrow things down since it is basically everyone. But there are different levels of friendship, you have close friends, best friends, friends you don't really like, friends you try to avoid. So friend is a pretty broad term......unless you add the word "boy" or "girl" in front of it. And then it becomes a really delicate topic that people have to tiptoe around. Because at that point people start using the term "Relationship", and who knows what that's supposed to mean. "Relationship" has an incredibly broad spectrum of definitions, so for the purpose of the next few minutes, let's just assume relationship refers to a situation where you are getting to know another person based on mutual respect. That way, it can encompass relationships with parents, friends, siblings, and strangers. And I know, that's not what many people think of when they use that word, but that is a lot closer to what it originally meant. 

So I think the question I'm trying to answer is: how do you create a deeper relationship with a guy or a girl without annoying/offending other people, making anything awkward, or ending a friendship? 

This is a very broad question that really applies to any situation with people, because we're always faced with opportunities to deepen friendships. What I want to do is just give some very broad advice, advice that has helped me as I find myself in this confusing mess.

1. Prioritize 

Maybe you've started to look for a relationship, maybe you want to start dating, or maybe you're just happy where you're at. Whichever situation you're in, the most important question you can ask is: "what does my relationship with God look like?" Christianity is so much more than a religion, it is a relationship! It is the most important relationship you will ever have! God promises to give us everything we need, He promises to give us His strength, and He promises us a hope and a future. That is so much more than any human could give you. So don't ever start to put other relationships before your relationship with Christ. Be constantly communicating with Him and constantly seeking to do His will. Prioritize your relationship with God first.

2. Respect

The need for respect can never be overstated. Put the interest of others first, treat everyone like you would want to be treated, and recognize the value of their opinions. Forming new friendships or entering into a relationship doesn't give you an excuse to distance yourself from other friends. Just because you start dating doesn't mean you can disrespect any of your relationships by taking time away from them. Your relationships with your friends, parents, siblings and other people in your life must remain stable. If you respect all the people that you have formed a relationship with, then you will dedicate time to those situations as well as deepening one specific connection. Respect will prevent you from offending/annoying others as well as abandoning the people in your life. 

3. Capitalize

Recently I was around about 450 people for an entire week. During this time I wrote in one of my journals, "There are too many options, too many directions in which I am being pulled. I try to make good use of my time, but it feels impossible right now." There are times in our life that feel like this. And we should question if we are using our time correctly, but we can't let it haunt us constantly. We must make the most of each situation we are in. God put you where you are with the people you know for a reason. Capitalize on each moment with them. Ask yourself how you can make an impact on their day. We MUST make the most of each opportunity. All we can do is seek God's will in each situation as it comes and trust that He is using us the way that will honor Him and benefit us. 

I don't have all the answers. Relationships and friendships and labels....all of it still confuses me. But I have decided that that's ok, maybe even good. I love the people I'm around, I'm thankful for everyone God has placed in my life. And I am constantly dependent on Him to show me how to manage my time around people to influence them in a way that glorifies Him. Please remember to put your relationship with God ahead of everything else in your life. He will show you how to respect others, even in tricky situations. He will teach you how to capitalize on each moment you have with people, even if it feels like you're being pulled in a hundred different directions.