The problem with being ok

I'm sure you've been asked if you were "ok" at some point in the past. It seems to be our go to question whenever we see someone who is obviously not "ok". Anytime we see a problem we just ask if it's ok.

Many times when I am asked if I am ok, I am conflicted over how to answer. How do you answer that question? At one such time I was obviously not “ok” and this person realized that. So why did they even bother asking? Could I respond by saying “no, I am not ok”? Isn’t that selfish? Even if I had answered yes, I knew that this person was going to ask “what’s wrong?”, so why wasn’t that just the first question? Are any of us actually “ok”? What does that even mean?

Questions like that have pestered me for a while now. It's been difficult for me to understand why people ask “are you ok?” And I don't understand what the answer should be. So let's go through some answers to questions that I need answered, and maybe you'll relate at least a little to some of these thoughts.

Why do people bother asking "are you ok?"? They ask because they care. For some reason they want to know what's going on and if they can do anything to help. And that is a good thing, it's nice that people care, they have the right idea. But they/we also ask it because we are afraid. We don't want to ask "what's wrong?" for fear that nothing is wrong and then we look weird for asking. "Are you ok" is a safer question. Obviously, I see a problem with that. If we are asking because we care, shouldn't we ask the harder question? The question that may actually get an answer that tells us how we can help? Honestly, "are you ok?" is the wrong question. We should be asking “how can I help you?” or “what’s going on?” Not only is it the wrong question, it also carries the false assumption that being ok is a good thing.

If we respond to the question by saying, "yes", then the asker often shrugs and walks away, assuming nothing is wrong. But being "ok" IS wrong. We shouldn't live our lives in a stream of ok days. Rather, we should be joyful, grateful, and productive. We need to stop falling into a pattern of ok, we weren't made to just survive from day to day.

We were meant to be like trees planted by a stream of living water, they don't just survive and scrape by, they flourish. 

We all get asked "how are you?". Generally we respond along the lines of, "I'm ok, how are you?". If we say anything negative about how we are, then we get asked what's wrong.

Being "ok" has become normal. But it shouldn't be. If someone says they are ok, the asker should not be satisfied with that answer but rather curious as to why they are just ok. The asker should follow up by questioning why they aren't great, happy, or joyful. So the question "are you ok" is the wrong question and contains the false assumption that just being ok is a good thing.

But it's not just the question that is the problem, it's the normal response that is also flawed. It's difficult to know what to say to this question, so if we are in pain and don't want people to know, then we just respond with "I'm fine" and hope they will leave us alone. Doing this thwarts the attempt the asker made to show care. Whoever is asking wants an honest answer the majority of the time and by saying we're ok when we're not is communicating that we don't care about their attempt to care. It's shutting people out who want to help. That's hurtful to you and to the person who cares about you. 

So if that's the wrong answer, what should we say? We should be honest. If we're hurting and someone asks the flawed question "are you ok?" then give an honest answer. If you're just doing ok, then say yes. If you're doing amazingly well, tell them that. And if you aren't ok, tell them you're not ok and explain what's wrong. But I, like so many people, am hesitant to do that. I think we hesitate mainly because it seems selfish. Before answering, when someone asks me if I'm ok, I have always considered if it's a bad thing for me to say no. If I say I'm not ok, then I am afraid it will seem like I'm all about me, like I believe I deserve their attention and worry. And that's definitely not what I want to be seen as, so I'll just say yes. I think that's the mindset of many people who won't give an honest answer to this question. So in order to avoid seeming selfish, we hide our hurt. The problem there is that if someone asks about you, it's ok to talk about you. Obviously don't go on and on about yourself or exaggerate something just so you can talk about yourself, but be honest. If someone cares enough to ask about you, then probably they genuinely care so you should give a genuine answer. 

Generally when I get asked if I'm ok, I am conflicted over how to respond. Now don't get me wrong, I love the fact that someone cared about me enough to try to understand what was going on. But it's the wrong question and often receives the wrong answer. It gives the asker the opportunity to hide behind a "safe" question and the answerer an opportunity to hide behind a "safe" answer. But shouldn't we be honest with each other? If we care about people, shouldn't we be brave enough to show that we care? Don't ask if someone is ok, ask what's wrong or how can I help. Don't assume that because they say they're ok, they are actually doing well. And don't respond to this question by blowing it off and thwarting someone who cares. Don't be dishonest for fear of being selfish. 

BE GENUINE!!! 

If you care, genuinely care! If you're in pain, be genuinely honest about it! And please don't be ok with just being ok. We must not simply stumble through our days with our heads hung low, rather we must flourish like a tree planted by streams of living water. "Are you ok?" is the wrong question and being ok is the wrong lifestyle. Let's break away from the dialogue that disguises our feelings and instead, be open and caring toward other people.

Thanksgiving

Time for a stereotypical holiday post, you know, the one that tells you what it really means to be thankful this Thanksgiving holiday. And I wanted to write this to add my voice to the thousands that are trying to explain the true meaning of living thankfully (at least for one day). But I also wanted to do something a little differently, I don't want to list things I'm thankful for, I'm not going to ask you what you're thankful for, and I'm not going to tell you to be grateful. Those are all good things but I'll leave them to other people to tell you. Rather, I want to challenge you.

Thanksgiving is "an expression of gratitude". An expression is "making known your thoughts or feelings". So on Thanksgiving we should actually be making known our thoughts of gratitude, not just keeping them to ourselves. And if we take a moment to think of what we're really grateful for, what really makes a difference in our lives, it's people. The people surrounding us shape us into who we are and bless us in incredible ways. So instead of just being grateful this Thanksgiving day, I challenge you to go thank five people who have blessed you in the last year. Just five. Go tell a handful of people that you appreciate them and what they've done for you. This could be your parents, your siblings, your best friend, the person who cooked the meal, anyone who has benefitted you in some way. 

Saying "thank you" isn't that hard, but we often forget to do it. People appreciate being appreciated, and when we don't tell them thank you they can feel forgotten. There are so many people in our lives that make a difference, and we take many of them for granted. Instead of just having an attitude of gratefulness, or listing things your grateful for, go tell five people that you appreciate them. Let them know they're not forgotten. Inspire them to continue on. 

In the spirit of this challenge, I want to say thank you. Knowing that people will read what I write encourages me to keep writing. And I love writing. If you are reading this than you are inspiring me to continue doing what I love, and I'm very grateful for that. You are the reason I continue to write my thoughts down, organize them, and post them. So thank you. 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving and help other people enjoy it by making them feel appreciated! Take a moment to tell five people thank you, after all, that is what Thanksgiving is all about.

From Now On

How many of us make New Year's resolutions?

What about goals for the school year?

Have you ever kept working toward those goals for a substantial amount of time?

Trying to reach our goals is hard, you have to keep your feet on the ground and forge ahead through disappointments. We should set goals that make us a better person, and then reach those goals by forming habits. Consistently shaping ourselves into better people makes an impact on the lives of people around us. Being diligent and hardworking widens our sphere of influence and changes how people see us.

We all have dreams that one day we can change the world right? Everybody wants to make an impact and leave their mark on history. 

But changing the world starts with changing yourself. 

I loved the movie The Greatest Showman. One of the reasons I liked it so much was because of the truth it conveys, especially in the soundtrack. As P.T. Barnum sets out to change the world of entertainment, he comes to realize that he wasn't happy with the man he became, he saw that he needed to change himself rather then the world. This is conveyed in the song From Now On, when he sings,

 From now on

These eyes will not be blinded by the lights
From now on
What's waited till tomorrow starts tonight
Tonight

Let this promise in me start

Like an anthem in my heart

From now on

It's hard to change. But by setting and reaching for goals, we can change and change the world. We have to decide that from now on, we are going to change ourselves, set those goals and then reach them. It's time to live by Nike's motto, "Just do it" and get to work. Make goals, set your standards high for yourself, and then take action. Reach for something higher and make a difference in the world by making a difference in your life. And it starts today. Change begins with a resolution, progresses with an action, and it snowballs into impacting lives around you.

Identity in Christ

Ever wonder where your sunglasses are, start rifling through every place you know of and then find them on your head? Have you ever left the keys in the door and then scoured the whole house for them? How about setting your coffee down somewhere and spent forever longing and looking for it?

Problems like these happen rather frequently, and often the issue in these situations is looking in the wrong place for something that isn’t there. This problem doesn't stop with misplaced objects, but rather often occurs when looking for things infinitely more important, and even when searching for our identity, for who we are and what we are worth as people. We search everywhere, seeking that one moment when we have the recognition we want, only to find it slips away, changes, or isn’t as we thought, and once again we’re lost in the search for significance. In our crowded and competitive world, the search for who we are is becoming ever more urgent. And sometimes we look in the wrong place.

Adam Levine sums up our anxious thoughts on who and what has the power to define us when he asks in his song Locked Away, “If I showed you my flaws if I couldn’t be strong, tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?” the mindset here is the common one of believing that what you do, defines you. Thankfully, the answer to who we are is given to us in the Bible, whenever it speaks of God’s love and the sacrifice He made for us.

In the next few moments I would like to encourage to acknowledge your worth in Christ, and realize that past mistakes or doubts of the future don't define you.


Most people search for their identity in other people or things. The web is filled with quotes on self-esteem and how to make yourself loved. The general opinion is that you are what you do, and for many people their job, their sport or their greatest accomplishment is how they define themselves. This is a works based approach to self-worth, and it does not provide the reassurance we desperately need. When you are always trying to please people, you lose a sense of who you truly are. People around us will always demand more from us, society and even others close to us often demand perfection and scorn us when we can't meet that standard. The result is confusion, sadness, and depression. Rather then turning to people or actions for our worth, we should look to God.

But in order to understand who we are to God, let’s first look at who we are compared to God. Because to understand the magnitude of His love, we should look at the significance of His sacrifice for us. Isaiah 40:15 says, “Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; He weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.” We are one drop, tiny and insignificant next to the nations of all time.

That is what we should be worth to God. The good news is that He doesn't see us like that.

Compared to God we are nothing, but in His eyes we are everything.

No one can stand when measured up to the perfection and infinite majesty of God, but thankfully, He does not look at us in comparison to Him, rather He looks at us as His perfect creation which can bring glory to Himself, forgiven by His Son. And despite of who we are as sinners we are still loved by Him. To remember how great, how deep the Father's love for us is, we only have to look at his hands, look at His side. Christ’s love for us is greater than the drops in the ocean. And we are His children. His creation. Which He made in His image.

That is our identity as Christians. That is the promise we must run to in the midst of our daily life, the hope we can cling to. He should be the one place we go to for answers, the way we define ourselves. Go anywhere else and your looking in the wrong place, searching for something that is not there. Nothing we do, no acts of charity, no helping the poor, no receiving awards, not even winning nationals, could ever achieve the love we already have.

Our identity is complete in Christ alone.

So if you lost everything you thought made you who you are, if you could no longer be strong in the way you are expected, what would you be worth? If it seems that life would be hopeless, then you are looking in the wrong place for your identity and your salvation. We must realize that only Christ defines us, and while compared to Him we are nothing, in His eyes we are everything.

The Economic Problem

I recently finished macroeconomics and microeconomics for school and I enjoyed it (I enjoyed finishing it more than actually doing it though). But I've been thinking a lot about why we have economics. In both the courses, there was a module that focused solely on the purpose behind the study, and that purpose surprised me. Economics only exist because of scarcity. If it weren't for scarcity there would be no reason for the study of the economy. It's interesting because even the richest people experience scarcity. So I've decided the problem is not having too little, it's always wanting more. Discontentment drives economics, humans can never be satisfied with what we have. The economic problem is not scarcity, it's discontentment. So let's look at what it means to be content with what we have. 

Contentment is not something we find, it's an attitude we must have. It doesn't depend on our circumstances, in fact, it's often in spite of them. When he wrote his letter to the Philippians, Paul had a lot of trials to contend with, his circumstances weren't great. And yet, much of the letter is about rejoicing and standing strong in the Lord. In Philippians 4:11 he writes, ".....for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." He had decided to be content with whatever he was going through, to not desire more than God had given him, that was his attitude about everything the world threw at him. The fact is, that God pours His blessings out on His people, and being discontent is simply being blind to those blessings. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything is driven by discontentment, we just don't call it that. We call it scarcity. To quote my economics textbook, "Scarcity occurs when we have unlimited wants but limited resources. For each of us, our ability to satisfy our wants is limited by the time we have, the income we earn, and so on. These limits mean that everyone has unsatisfied wants." It goes on to point out something that I found rather sad, "Everyone faces scarcity. Even the richest Americans, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, have to face scarcity because they want more than what the available resources can provide to satisfy them." No matter how rich you are, there are always things you want. And sadly, for most of America, this is true, most people suffer strongly from discontentment. Our demand almost always exceeds the supply. Economics is the study of how we cope with that. But the truth is, we can't conquer scarcity if we are simply trying to satisfy wants. Economics cannot solve the problem it has been presented with. If we simply try to find satisfaction by getting more of the resources that make us happy, then we will be endlessly searching.

I want to point you to one of my favorite movies, The Greatest Showman. Think about what Barnum did. He went from nothing, to plenty, and then back to nothing. And in one of the last scenes of the movie, he's at his lowest. That's when he realized his discontentment had driven him to lose almost everything. Then he sings the he sings the song "From Now On". And the lyrics say, "For years and years, I chased their cheers, The crazy speed of always needing more." But once he realizes this, he makes a promise to change it. The song also says, "From now on, These eyes will not be blinded by the lights, From now on, What's waited till tomorrow starts tonight, Let this promise in me start, Like an anthem in my heart, From now on." He realized that being happy didn't mean chasing the cheers of an audience, or standing on a stage, or receiving awards, it didn't require politicians praising your name, it was only necessary that you are satisfied with what you have. It took him a long time to realize that. Let's not make that mistake. 

Honestly, I'm not just talking to you. This post, like many of them, addresses my struggles. Discontentment has been a problem for me. No matter how much I get, I tend to focus on what I don't have. Often I will be surrounded by my best friends, doing what I love, having fun, and still be focused on what awards I can earn. In reality, contentment doesn't come from walking across a stage, or receiving a medal, or a bunch of first places'. It's being happy where you are. And I want to focus on that, especially in the next two weeks. So I urge myself and you to decide that from now on, we won't be in a crazy speed of always needing more, our eyes won't be blinded by the lights. From now on let's try to say with Paul, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Let's prove that not everyone faces scarcity, let's show that you don't have to be a millionaire to be content. The economic problem is said to be scarcity. But the real problem is discontentment. We can conquer that in our own hearts by changing our attitude and not being blind to the blessings God gives us. That would solve the problem economics has never been able to.